No Wizard, No Way! Why Oz Sucks

Posted: 4 April 2014.

I can’t take this…

“It’s a movie that speaks of Hollywood’s unacknowledged fascination with the exotic, the mad, the unreal” – Peter Bradshaw.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) is regarded universally as one of the most endearing and best-loved movie classics of all time. Based on the fantasy adventure by L. Frank Baum, this musical adaptation was a major hit for MGM and has become the most beloved family film of all time.

Nuts…

This movie critic seemingly stands alone in finding it the most ludicrous overblown tosh, quite aware that the Blogosphere’s collective ire will be well and truly shaken, and brought down upon him. So what is it about this “beloved classic” that disagrees with me so?

Quite frankly, the whole caboodle just comes across as too treacly for me, always has – so sweet it makes me feel nauseous. Judy Garland, and her three cohorts, are quite annoying, the wicked witch is too much of a caricature; the flying monkeys (give me a break!) and the munchkins will forever live in infamy – “drunken midgets swinging from the rafters” stated one source. And goodness, one just cannot tolerate those songs!

All of you may scoff at me, but it should be said that my father shared my disapproval, and actually would have had much harsher words to say against this truly abominable spectacle.  

Please no, not the ruby slippers! 

“My main gripes: the second hour is rather draggy… You can’t help but notice… the visible wires and painted backdrops” – Michael J. Legeros. 

On the last day before Christmas hols at junior school, the teachers thought it would be nice to treat the kids to a lovely movie. Star Wars? Would have been too obvious. Raiders? That would have been too cool!

Nope, someone actually considered subjecting us to The Wizard. Suddenly, my worst fears were realised: stuck in the middle of a packed hall, made to watch this celluloid hell-package. Having had the easy choice of switching off the TV when it first lurched into my life, there seemed to be no chance of escape this time! Those accursed monochrome moments in Kansas compelled me to take drastic action.

With a great disturbance swelling within me, this poor bunny turned to the boy next to him, and struck up a banal conversation. The plan worked – an eagle-eyed teacher spotted my incessant yakking and called me out. As if zapped by an electric charge in my seat, this lil bunny sprang to his feet and fritted away into the nearest classroom. The teachers obviously believed they were dispensing punishment, no doubt pitying my “foolish” lack of judgment; on the contrary, heh heh, Bradscribe cites this happy release, and tremendous relief, as one of his finest scholastic achievements.

What the hell – if I state that she gave me nightmares, will it support my case?

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” – The Wicked Witch of the West. 

So, has the pain subsided as the years have flown by? Heck no, this film irritated me at the tender age of seven; now, older enough to understand the horrors of this world… yep, it still disturbs me. After years of stress-relief and meditation, nothing can prepare me to sit through this. What made MGM think that making this tosh would be a good idea, even in 1939?

Let me get this straight: a teenage girl kills the first person she meets, then tags along with three strangers to kill again… and you mean to tell me this is the perfect kids movie?!

In support of my attestation that the whole spectacle was unsightly, research shows that The Scarecrow (Ray Bolger), Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr) and Tin Man (Jack Haley) were deemed too frightening and, during filming, had to take their lunch to their dressing rooms as their costumes scared the living daylights out of the other canteen users.

“We’re off  to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz,” indeed. Fine, you can go and watch by all means but my instincts tell me to forever give it as wide a berth as poss.

Honestly, had this Post been published on Tuesday, none of you would have taken it seriously…

and not a moment too soon…

Normal blogging service will be resumed shortly.

The Reverence of Cathedrals

Posted: 31 March 2014

The Octagon, Ely Cathedral, one of the most awesome sights

“What has proved most unexpected… is that the public has supported cathedrals both as places of a new sort of collective worship and as great art” – Simon Jenkins.

Frustrated with a dip in the quality and consistency of my writing, last year, while staying in the UK, Bradscribe took a soul-searching and belief-building Places To See Before You Die Tour up north to visit a number of cathedrals. It had been a journey envisaged for some time, but it seemed like one of those grand expeditions which would not materialise.

For a long time, cathedrals have held a reserved place in my mind, heart and soul… and in my writing.

Sometimes at the writing desk, when concentration on my fiction drifts, a quick and easy ploy to reinvigorate the word flow involves having one or more of my characters stumble into a cathedral. Nothing like attempting to describe these architectural wonders and how they excite the senses! There is also the possibility of working on a radical new History of Cathedrals…   

Not a religious person by any means, yet this writer has, nevertheless, been drawn to these magnificent buildings. At a time when church attendances are dwindling, and the tenets of religion have seemingly lost their relevance, cathedrals continue to inspire and enthral.

Worcester Cathedral stands majestically beside the river Severn

“I went and looked at one of these cathedrals one day, and I was blown away by it. It occurred to me… that the story of the building of a cathedral could be a great popular novel” – Ken Follett.

In July last year, carried away on the wings of instinct, Bradscribe ordered a coach ticket to Worcester. For ages, in too many glossy photos, its cathedral had taunted me with its jaw-dropping majesty, standing tall and resplendent next to the river Severn.

At last, this writer found himself on a path that runs alongside that river! Being miles away from home, in a strange town, did not matter. Unbelievably, it was a warm and gorgeous evening. The cathedral did not disappoint; it met every expectation. The conditions were just right; inspiration crept forth. Slipping out the old notebook which has travelled with me from one side of the world to the other, frantic reams of life-affirming and ebullient scribblings were made!

The interior of Lincoln Cathedral

“Lincoln today still has more magnificence than any other English cathedral… It’s towered mass occupies the entire crown of its hill, and soars easily above… the old streets that twist and climb about it” – Batsford & Fry (1934).  

Always thought Lincoln Cathedral too remote to be reached. Indeed, access could only be gained via an indirect coach route, but it is one of the most illustrious buildings in the country, so later that same week, Bradscribe was thrilled to experience it.

Both its impressive west front with its three towers: “exquisite in proportion as in texture,” and the sheer elongated scale of the opulently-decorated nave: “one of spaciousness and restrained dignity” were absolutely awe-inspiring. Hours were gleefully spent ambling through its transepts and aisles, formulating the mental images that will linger with me forever.

The magnificent Ely Cathedral

The last leg of my tour took me to the enchanting town of Ely, another of those magical classics of medieval monumental architecture.

Talk about last but not least! This cathedral, one of the most revered in England, proved to be just as amazing as the others mentioned above. In some aspects, Ely Cathedral surpasses them. Certainly, such features as the intricately decorated long ceiling of the nave and the charming 14th century Lady Chapel are particularly notable. Yet it is the Octagon, a mighty complex structural achievement over the crossing (where the north and south transepts join the nave), which stands unreservedly as my favourite feature of Medieval engineering. Can’t remember how long it took, just sitting under it, staring with incredulous wonder. This feature alone was worth the arduous coach and train journeys that week.

Ultimately, the urge to visit these edifices of awesomeness, hitherto only gawped at in guidebooks, was greatly justified. My frustrations had dissipated; my motivation restored. Truly, these stupendous monuments are a testament to the fantastic and opulent heritage which England should strive to preserve.

Long may they continue to offer boundless inspiration to my writing.

 

T-30

 

Posted: 26 March 2014.

One of the most iconic posters… EVER

“The Terminator is a blazing, cinematic comic book, full of virtuoso moviemaking…” – Variety (Dec 31, 1983).

It’s hard to believe, but that sci-fi classic: The Terminator is celebrating its 30th Anniversary this year! In October 1984, this low-budget action thriller became an instant cult fave, secured the star-status of Arnold Schwarzenegger and launched the career of James Cameron.

Its plot is well-known universally, so there really is no need for Bradscribe to mull over it for the umpteenth time, but as a keen scriptwriter, it would be interesting to find out how this inherently absurd premise got pitched in the first place!

Let’s be honest, the plot is so blatantly absurd, but the energy and enthusiasm with which this package is delivered is instantly compelling, no matter how many times you watch.

The script offers such a ripe collection of great, memorable dialogue; it really has been a struggle to refrain from citing the numerous lines that could have been quoted here!

“It absolutely will not stop…!”

“As for Schwarzenegger… with his choppy hair, cryptic shades and state-of-the-’80s leather ensemble, he looks like the Incredible Hulk gone punk” – Richard Corliss.

What more can be said about this classic movie, 30 years later? For one thing, it’s still relevant. It’s influence can be seen in dozens of copycat, albeit inferior, vehicles. Looking at it retrospectively, the plot is rather ingenious in its sheer simplicity.

The three principal characters were memorably portrayed by the respective actors, so it is alarming to learn that none of them were first choice. Is it possible to imagine Lance Henriksen (who would play ill-fated Detective Vukovich), Mel Gibson or (heaven forbid!) OJ Simpson as the killer cyborg? Regarding the latter, as Cameron observed at the time, it would be just wrong to have: “such a nice guy playing the part of a ruthless killer.” Arnie made it his own, so anyone else as this distinctive figure would be unthinkable.

Linda Hamilton made Sarah Connor a career-defining role, but the list of would-be contenders for the part during its preliminary stages reads like a Who’s Who of Hollywood in the early ’80s!

Considering what a a cold and merciless machine this cyborg really is, it was a nice ironic touch that on the stolen police car driven so recklessly, the door is adorned with the motto:“to care and to protect” By the time the car had crashed, this writer was surprised to notice that all of a sudden the door read: “Dedicated to serve.”

“God, you can go crazy thinking about all this…”

“I’m not stupid, you know. They cannot make things like that yet” – Sarah Connor.

The Terminator has had three sequels, but none could come close to recreating its raw and original power. Now, it is difficult to imagine the James Cameron being responsible for a low-budget movie, but everyone has to start somewhere. It is astounding to think that when Sarah Connor gets jilted via answering machine, it is Mr Cameron himself providing the voice we hear. 

TechNoir – the nightclub in which Kyle Reese finds Sarah Connor and confronts the T-800 – has its own story to tell. This site on Pico Boulevard had recently become vacant, so the set designers moved in. Apparently, during filming, people were convinced that it was a real club and had to be turned away. Amazing how a venue playing such dull pop music could be so heaving.

It should be said that the animated scenes of the T-800 exoskeleton were well done for its time, despite the limitations of budget and technology available then. Perhaps it is this aspect which has causedsome people out there to believe that the time is right for it to be remade… sheesh! As those of you few intrepid souls who have been following this Blog will know, Bradscribe despises remakes with every fibre of his being.

To conclude, this film’s reputation will not waver. It remains a bravura piece of movie-making, deservedly polling high in Best Film polls. For once, the trailer got it right: “An adventure unlike anything you’ve seen before!”  

So unique, so distinctive, it is hard to envisage seeing its like again…

 

The Cosmic Latte: How The Night Sky Inspires And Boggles

Posted: 21 March 2014

Wherever you are in the world, the night sky always amazes

“…Every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.  

Many moons ago, when standing in front of big brilliant bonfires on chilly Autumn nights, Bradscribe would crane his beady little eyes to scour the wondrous aerial canopy of stars. Through college, university, a mundane office job and now freelance writing and multifarious online shenanigans, the stars have never failed to bewitch me.

At this stage of my life, settled in the humid climate of Southeast Asia, the comfortingly cool nocturnal breeze offers a welcome respite. Working into the night (and usually right through until dawn) there is alway the chance of stepping out into the quiet night and gazing skywards to the myriad of shiny dots sprawled across the dark blanket of night.   

Everyone should stop to savour the sheer silence, serenity and solitude of the night sky.

Starlight – in technical terms – is electromagnetic radiation. Interestingly enough, while researching my piles files of astronomical literature, someone somewhere has determined that the average colour of starlight resembles “a shade of yellowish white,” amusingly branded as: “Cosmic Latte” (…!)

Admittedly, on one or two occasions, characters in my fiction have sought solace in the night sky as they try to unravel the problems in their lives… which this writer afflicted on them, of course! By gad, what a bounder this lil bunny is! 

The night time is the right time

“I often think that the night is more alive and more richly coloured than the day” – Vincent Van Gogh.

During the good or bad times, productive or slow sessions, or just lying on the beach pondering where the next stage of my life should lead, the night sky – modern light pollution permitting – has always made for a marvellous spectacle. So it comes as absolutely no surprise that people from ancient cultures around the world held the night sky in high esteem; it influenced their knowledge of agricultural, astronomical and astrological matters.

Let’s not forget the aid of celestial navigation to ancient seafarers, with 58 stars selected and named in antiquity by the Ancient Greeks, Romans, Babylonians and Arabs. The most notable of these is Polaris, the “North Star,” due to its proximity to the north celestial pole.

Despite the persistence of stargazing since time immemorial, this year sees only the 200th anniversary of the establishment of study into starlight spectroscopy: the examination of the stellar spectra.

Some gaze skywards to catch the arrival of an extraterrestrial kind; but then again, this bunny’s lived long enough to realise that – considering all the despicable and negative commonalities unfortunately prevalent throughout human nature – if aliens are intelligent and able to travel here, they would be imbued with the good sense to stay away from the likes of us!

The constellation of Orion in the southwest sky

“Humans are natural-born scientists. When we’re born, we want to know why the stars shine…” – Michio Kaku.  

The most beguiling feature of the night sky has to be the constellation of Orion. It is certainly the most recognisable, and one of the most awe-inspiring celestial wonders. Named after the hunter of Greek mythology, it is visible predominantly during winter in the southwest sky.

The Orion Nebula is a star formation 1,500 light years from Earth. The three stars of Alnilam, Mintaka and Alnitak, constitute the feature known as Orion’s Belt; the Ancient Egyptians deemed it necessary to align the three pyramids at Giza with Orion’s Belt. The Great Pyramid even has air shafts pointing to Orion. Trying to explain the need to recreate this on Earth has fuelled many theories and discussions, but the real answer still eludes us. 

In the scheme of things, the chance to spot a shooting star is always nice; astoundingly, around 15,000 tonnes of these meteoroids enter Earth’s atmosphere each year.

For thousands of years, people have gazed skywards; it’s gratifying to realise that one is a participant in such an exalted pastime. It is hoped that long after this lil bunny has shuffled off this mortal plane, countless more curious souls will eagerly revel in the wonders of the night sky.

 

The Sensational Inspirational Blog

Posted: 15 March 2014

Concentrate the mind on the task at hand

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve, regardless of  how many times you may have failed in the past” – Napoleon Hill.

By far, the best machine we possess is our own mind. Fortunately, Bradscribe was blessed with awesome English skills. Ever since one can remember, writing – whether it be fiction or non-fiction – has always played a prominent role in my life.

However, in the last 48 hours, a fearsome fever: skin burning up; nerve endings exceptionally sensitive; splitting headache; dizzy spells; you-name-it-this-bunny’s-had-it, has struck me down. Big. Time.

In short, my body feels like it’s been hit by a car.

Obviously, this has put a serious dent in my writing/blogging schedule. It’s amazing to think that prior to this unsavoury onset, my mind was positively brimming with good ideas; but when this crept up on me unbeknownst, all that promising stuff evaporated. Too often in my tender youth, illnesses would beset my system; thus, too often my active imagination wondered how these despicable intrusions could be willed out of my system…

Consider, dear friends, the marvel and sheer complexity of the human brain; it puts into perspective how poor this annoying so-called cutting-edge technology we are compelled to buy with money we don’t have, really is…

Don’t give up! Savour the good things in life

“Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Don’t sell out” – Christopher Reeve.

How on Earth does the essence of an idea ever mterialise in the first place?

Apparently what drives the creative processes remains inexplicable, but what we do know: when ideas are generated (especially by this undervalued noddle), rather than emanating from either the left or right sides of the brain, actually both hemispheres work in unison to create that special spark. But what produces the motivation? That need to carry on when all hope is lost?

Yes folks, Kismet has blown sand in Bradscribe’s face more times than he cares to remember.

Once upon a time, a veritable stream of rejections swirled my way. Then it was reduced to a mere trickle. Now, not only have they dried up, but due to those copious never-ending technical difficulties, my Inbox has become inaccessible.

How – in the face of such sheer adversity – does this lil bunny manage to keep going?

“By living life for itself, don’t you see?Deriving pleasure from the gift of pure being”

“If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him” – Buddha.

No matter what technical, physical or financial problems lay siege to my battered mind – living in a country where Buddhism takes precedence – the gift of Meditation proved to be such a benefit. It came in particularly handy during my Southeast Asian office job, where the unfriendly inhouse atmosphere and stress combined with the noise and chaos of city life.

Even now, when my carefully constructed plans have not gone as well as hoped, the time and opportunity to sit back and meditate does come in pretty handy. Considering all that has been lost over the last few years – money, work, data disks, contacts, friends, trust, motivation – somehow this humble blogging bunny, (still a small name in a big Blogosphere) has come through so much (a little ruffled), yet persevered and retained his hop, skip and jump.

Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, but make the most of what we have today, that’s for sure. Perhaps this is the main reason why most of my creative processes are reserved for reconstructing history. This discipline offers reassuring escapism as well as the comfort of nostalgia.

In an otherwise disappointing television adaptation of Ray Bradbury’s Martian Chronicles (1980), a speech of such insightful and inspirational depth concerning the Secret of Life was given by a Martian – a figment of the past; his words have resonated with me since that first viewing many moons ago. They have invigorated my own writing sometimes, and perhaps lie at the core of why Bradscribe just refuses to give up.  

It is hoped this quote will have a profound effect on you, dear reader. Goodnight. 

“Secret! There is no secret. Anyone with eyes can see the way to live.

“By watching life, observing nature, cooperating with it. Making common cause with the process of existence…

“…Life is it’s own answer, accept it and enjoy it day by day. Live as well as possible, expect no more. Destroy nothing, humble nothing, look for fault in nothing, leave unsullied and untouched all that is beautiful. Hold that which lives in all reverence, for life is given by the sovereign of our universe, given to be savoured, to be luxuriated in, to be… respected.

“But that’s no secret, you’re intelligent! You know as well as I what has to be done.”

 

The Appliance of Science

Posted: 9 March 2014

Putting the science into science fiction

“Fiction stimulates science as it points to a future we should strive for” – Siddhartha Srinivasa. 

How much science is there in science fiction these days?

When working on sci-fi stories many moons ago, the attention would usually stay on the drama, before worrying about the scientific subtleties later. Yet watching some prominent movies in the genre, it looks like nobody else bothered to research the basic laws of frizbees physics either!

As these words are being meticulously crafted, the reboot of Cosmos is about to be aired. The original, with Carl Sagan, is fondly remembered as such a masterly blend of enlightening education and engaging entertainment. Its knowledgable and charming host has sadly departed, so it would be difficult to find a personality strong and smart enough to take his place. Hopefully, a new generation of scientists can be inspired by this venture to advance our knowledge further.

Thre are various movies praised by scientists for their effectiveness at presenting science in a good light, such as: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), The Andromeda Strain (1971) and Blade Runner (1982).

Nevertheless, there are those celluloid offerings which can only be the work of dreamers, bereft of any cosmological concerns or, for that matter, devoid of any essential logic. 

Some more gravity in sci-fi movies would be nice

“Some cause must have created all this, but what caused that cause?” – Dr Hans Reinhardt.  

The very first movie that Bradscribe watched at the cinema was The Black Hole, Disney’s first jump onto the Star Wars bandwagon. At such a young and impressionable age, it seemed like a mesmerising romp with a big spaceship, a coterie of droids large and small, and that gargantuan terror itself: a perpetually swirling masterpiece of late-’70s visual effects.

Unfortunately, the benefit of hindsight and acquired cosmological knowledge has put this old fave under scrutiny. Everyone can walk, run and fire blasters, even when the integrity of the USS Cygnus is breached, even blasted open! Let’s face it, grown accustomed to stock footage of real astronauts free-floating inside the orbiting ISS, how can people in any space movie still stick to the floor when their spacecraft is literally breaking up? Considering this year’s Best Picture is entitled: Gravity, let’s have some more of it!

And how is everyone all able to breathe? Honestly!

What about that Black Hole? V.I.N.CENT and his human buddies get sucked in, swirled around a tad, then spat out, apparently unscathed – a likely story!

The Core (2003) is often included in Most Implausible Sci-Fi Movies lists, but then, it is defeated at the outset by the absurd Earth-stopped-rotating premise. Loved Stanley Tucci’s performance, although that doesn’t defend its multitude of mistakes. For instance, when a colossal diamond breaches the hull of their amazing tunnelling machine, the crew complain how hot it’s getting. Ha! Most likely, magma would flood in and melt them all within seconds. The End. 

Probably the most cringe-inducing of these accursed misfires is Armageddon (1998) in which the implausibilities are too numerous and imbecilic to dissect individually here, so we’ll just move on…

Dark and cramped: Alien helped give a more realistic sci-fi view

“… A future where space has become part of the industrial fabric. It will be a commonplace working environment, sometimes boring, sometimes dangerous, like an offshore oil-rig – not an exotic lab” – Tom Jones (the astronaut).

One of the top sci-fi films highly regarded amongst the scientific community is Alien (1979).

Most significantly, the commercial towing spaceship Nostromo is slow, dark, cramped and prone to tech glitches, most unlike the zippy lightspeed spacecraft of more fanciful interstellar fare.

And it’s gratifying to see the three members of the landing-party trudge around in bulky, cumbersome spacesuits, rather than be “beamed” down in nothing more than an ill-fitting pair of pyjamas and combat boots to a planet with a miraculously breathable atmosphere…

But the Alien itself, albeit seen for the most part in fleeting glimpses, is not only a wonder of conceptual design, brought brilliantly to realisation by Swiss surrealist: H. R. Giger, but, as any bioengineering researcher will tell you, its xenomorph life-cycle is apparently derived from parasitic wasps on Earth.

Here and there, someone deems creative licence necessary to enhance the science in science fiction movies.

Somehow, methinks Carl Sagan would definitely not have approved.

 

Determined to Declutter (or: The Stuff That Matters)

Posted: 4 March 2014

Sooty likes my stuff, as long as it’s comfortable.

“Stuff is everything” – Malcolm Lee Bradford.  

It wasn’t until we moved house last year that Bradscribe realised how much stuff had amassed after a whole decade living and working in Southeast Asia. The wife groaned, not hesitating to admit that it would bring great pleasure to set it all alight.

Years to build – seconds to burn…  

Even the removal men complained about the sheer weight of my stuff. Typical, lesser mortals such as these do not comprehend or appreciate the value of our stuff. Stuff is powerful; stuff is relentless. It can gather and multiply unexpectedly, like an expanding and amorphous malevolent thing from a sci-fi/horror B-movie.

Naturally, those of you writers like me who revel in research will understand that when we collect our sources in various forms, it causes a seemingly insurmountable amount of stuff to just build up at an alarming rate.

No need to fret about your stuff on your own, my friend.

Determined to conquer the curse of my clutter, it was tackled systematically, so gradually the volume of stuff has been significantly reduced. Too good to be true? Not at all; if my stuff can be controlled, so can yours! Read on…

My former office; not my stuff. My stuff is more attractively laid out.

“Every time I have moved house, those first few days  – when the space is empty… are intoxicating. But… the clutter returns with all the vigour of a virulent strain of mould” – Emma Beddington.   

Of all the most incredible remarks this blogger has ever heard is: “Why do you have so much stuff?”

Yes, my jaw hit the floor when that preposterous statement was uttered. Honestly, how can anyone begin to explain this question, let alone answer it?

Everyone has stuff: such is the rich tapestry of life, different people have different types of stuff. After all, the only reason we buy/rent houses is so that we can have somewhere safe and spacious to store our stuff. When we go out, we usually end up buying more stuff. When we visit friends’ storage areas homes, we judge their stuff; and the only reason we go on vacation is, invariably, to accumulate more stuff… isn’t it? This seems to be quite obvious.

However, there comes a time when we all have to step back (if there is room amongst all that stuff) and assess how to reduce some of it. For starters, there is never enough time to read everything we have; realistically, if you have not looked at a certain item in the last four years, then you probably never will. In other words, it wasn’t that inportant; discard it pronto.

This stock photo reassures me no end; my office will NEVER look like this. Honest.

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright.  

Looking for answers on how to manage your stuff? This blogger can help.

The moment when Bradscribe noticed the sheer stuff overload came when he was annoyed to find… that nothing could be found. The most satisfying strategy to take was to halve the number of book projects in progress. Wherever possible, notes and papers no longer relevant could be discarded; some data had taken ages and lots of time and energy to acquire, so it was agonising to let go… but let go you must. Be strict.        

Don’t abandon your work for a day endeavouring to attack all those piles and pillars, mountains and mounds of stuff. Believe me: you will get nowhere; after hours of sorting, sifting and scrutinizing stuff, nothing will look like it’s been sorted out! Most importantly, the office will certainly end up in a messier state than when you started!  

But do not fret, Dear Reader (and Fellow Writer/Researcher), here is a handy tip on how you can declutter effectively:

Just take one hour a day (two if need be) to deal with a little bit of stuff at a time. Select a pile: deliberately sift through the tatty yellowed morsels at the bottom of it; chances are you will find items you thought were lost/forgotten forever. Stay sane. Enjoy the clear-out in gradual stages…

Every little helps.

OMG: Lol and Behold

Posted: 28 February 2014

How writing and its technology has changed in the last few years…

“Language changes very fast” – John Maynard Smith.

As a wordsmith trained in more traditional ways of writing, Bradscribe cannot help but notice the strange, swift and staggering shuffle that has beset the English languge in the last twenty years.

When at university (and loving every windswept, rain-soaked minute of it), up to seventeen years ago(!), mobile phones were just catching on; it swiftly became apparent that texting was becoming the new norm for faster and shorter communication.

With a monumental growth in urbanization, and a corresponding rise in the percentage of the world population who inhabit an urban environment, work-patterns and lifestyles in general have altered tremendously. Cultural values have played a part in the transformation of language(s); but ultimately, the phenomenal proliferation of hand-held technology has had a dramatic impact, bringing a new wave cascade of abbreviated, truncated, slang-driven jargon – completely ripping up the rules of language and how it is utilised. The “written word” seems to be an out-dated concept in itself, with this tendency to text, and even use symbols (emoticons being particularly rife) on rapidly evolving small, touch-type devices.

New words constantly enter the English language (directly derived from texting and other communicative media no less), while disused ones drop into oblivion; moreover, existing words have been swiped by the new-gen to carry entirely different denotations.  

These days, less people write longhand, while more people text

“Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Whether it be on the train in England, or in the shopping malls of Thailand, most people seem to have their heads bowed towards their smartphones, endlessly texting, besides loading apps or playing useless games. Bradscribe just glances at this thoroughly modern crowd with a slight amused grin.  If the trains weren’t so ridiculously packed, you could most likely find me ROTFL.

One would say this scene is extraordinary, but it is so mind-bogglingly prevalent that it must surely now count as ordinary activity.

Interestingly, if a peep at some of their texts was possible, the chances of actually understanding any of the slang and abbreviations on show would be minimal. This should not come as a surprise. Such is the bewilderment of a constantly fluctuating language, transmogrifying through multifarious phases since its inception as Old English (derived from Old German) in tangible written form during the 5th century CE. Shaped by social upheavals of the Medieval Period, it twisted and turned into what is labelled Middle English, and then into Early Modern English, before settling on the Modern English used in the present.

With the upgrades in English Comprehension described (and dreaded!) above, it would appear that we are already immersed in the next tantalising stage of this incredible linguistic journey.  

The most widely used language in the world is constantly changing.

“Viewed freely, the English language is the accretion and growth of every dialect, race, and range of time, and is both the free and compacted composition of all” – Walt Whitman.  

Increasing my presence on Facebook in the last 18 months, the major aspect one has had to get used to is working out what the mass of assorted acronyms included therein actually stand for. Easily, the most common expression to be found amidst the Comments must be the acronym:”lol,” short for Laugh Out Loud.

Originally appearing regularly on Usenet, this expression has since become ubiquitous on just about every other form of computer-mediated communication, and made its debut in the Oxford English Dictionary in March 2011. It is only in recent months that Bradscribe has succumbed to utilising it in his own brief texts.

Will my writing style have to change in order to accommodate these changes in my language? One hopes that drastic alterations will not be needed. While some people strive to move with the times,  it is comforting to know that others will appreciate my adherence to more traditional creative values.   

Part of the wonder of English lies in its ability to have adjusted and adapted across many centuries, while stagnant languages have completely died out.

It just remains to be seen what other tectonic shifts are in store for the English language, and how and when we will seize the chance to use them.

 

It’s Only a Movie

Posted: 21 February 2014

Historical accuracy or entertaining inaccuracy: which is best?

“Film-makers have a great responsibility. How they present the past is how it gets remembered” – Kate Williams.

Movies cannot be treated as historical records; no matter how much attention to period detail goes into a feature film, as a seasoned historian myself, it should be my duty to point out those glaring discrepancies that litter some epic movies, not just lie back, enjoy a fantastical dramatisation and let blissful miscomprehension, or downright ignorance, of actual past events prevail.

This year, with a slew of big historical movies nominated for Oscars, it becomes imperative that a higher standard of care and attention should be put into such productions.

Yet some directors believe they still have every right to change – even distort – historical facts to provide a faster, leaner – dare one say it – more awesome spectacle. Should they be permitted to do so? 

Winner of Best Ways to Irritate Historians

“Creative artists need to be granted some poetic license, but that should not be a permit for the wholesale disregard of facts in historical fiction” – Allen Ward.   

Here are a couple of examples most relevant to this post. They are fine, classic bodies of work, but when analysed from a historical perspective, they flounder miserably.

One notorious example is Gladiator (2000), which won 5 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, but none, it seems, for historical accuracy. Bradscribe hates to say this (as it’s one of his faves), but the collection of inaccuracies on show here are… legion.  

Despite the vow of the renowned director: Ridley Scott to uphold high standards of historical research throughout, one advisor resigned and another requested to go unmentioned in the credits because those standards were simply not met.

Such extensive use of ballistae and catapults in the opening battle would not have been used in a forest-setting; both Roman and Germanian costumes are extremely questionable; stirrups were never used by the Roman cavalry despite being on show here… and so on. 

There is no way one can link this celluloid Commodus to the real-life emperor (hey Joaquin, where’s your beard?); he certainly did not commit patricide, and he lasted 12 years before being assassinated, not 3 hours. And the factual errors which beset the character of Marcus Aurelius are compounded by the inexplicable casting.

Nice helmet, shame about the historical inaccuracies

“I didn’t think they had guns then… in the days of Kirk Douglas” – Bunny Warren.

To show that this is not just a problem of modern cinema, enter: The Vikings (1958). Kirk Douglas! Tony Curtis! Ernest Borgnine! How could it possibly go wrong? Well, on several different counts in actual fact.

Kirk Douglas looks fab, yet anything but a Viking. No matter how big a star, if there’s no beard, there’s no credibility. He wears such a cool helmet but – let’s be honest – it was more a product of Hollywood imagination rather than Norse craftsmanship.   

One of the best scenes in the film is also one of its most annoying. The Viking siege of the castle is theoretically absurd; castles were not built until after the Norman Conquest, by which time Norsemens’ raids on the English coast had long since finished. After all the excitement, the drama, not to mention that stirring music score, no one can escape the fact that this whole charade centres around two immigrant boys from the Lower East Side gallivanting around in fancy dress…

Bradscribe will always love this film, but then again, it will always wrestle with his academic sensibilities.  

In conclusion then, movies should not be used as the source material for history essays. These movies can inspire a greater appreciation for history which a lot of books and uninspiring schoolteachers could never do, but the poor research in some productions suggests that not only a greater awareness of the value of history is needed, but the general attitude towards historical knowledge deserves a thorough revision.

This writer is left bemoaning the fact that instead of nitpicking the factual errors of others’ work, he could be working on such storylines, ready to prove that history in itself produced some stirring and dramatic events, packing more punches than any CGI can muster.

 

Energy Boost

Posted: 17 February 2014

What is it that draws writers to coffee?

“Coffee is a language in itself” – Jackie Chan.  

The inspiration for this particular post came (funnily enough) purely by accident – ruminating over what would be the next topic for discussion while the daily mug of coffee sat beside the laptop steaming away…  

This marvellous brewed beverage, using roasted seeds of the genus: “Coffea” just happens to be the second most traded commodity (after oil) – let’s face it: dark liquid makes the world go round. Don’t all writers grab a coffee first thing in the morning to zap away the drowsiness? Just what is it that blends (sorry) creators and coffee?

Some brain chemistry is required here. Possibly the most potent psychoactive stimulant in the known universe, caffeine blocks the neurotransmitter adenosine responsible for that drowsy feeling, while increasing the potency of other excitatory neurotransmitters such as dopamine, norepinephrine and acetylcholine, thus heightening alertness, energy and – yes! – enhancing the ability to get some work done!  

Wonder how many cups of coffee those scientists downed in order to acquire that data?

Bean there, done that

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break” – Earl Wilson.  

In the average cuppa there are approximately 200mg of caffeine, and in an average day no more than 600mg (3 cups) should be downed. Whoa, go easy there!

You would think that the humid climate at which this writer chooses to pursue his profession would necessitate the desire for iced coffee, but that’s not the case, especially when sitting in a comfortable air-conditioned cafe. In actual fact, the most common brew in Asia: iced cappuccino offers more sugar and fat than caffeine, so it’s better if you served my drink pipng hot, if you please…

As long as he could remember, the bane of Bradscribe’s existence has been lack of energy, but now – with a coffee-maker amidst the items in our new abode, my mornings have got off to a bright and proactive start. Moreover, in addition to caffeine, a well-brewed cuppa offers antioxidants. Both of these substances are known to have substantial health benefits and anti-aging qualities. 

Yay, drink up!

This blogger loves Mocha!

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt” – Charles M. Schulz.  

Personally, above all others, Bradscribe loves Mocha – that scintillating mix of espresso, milk, whipped cream and chocolate syrup. If anyone is taking notes, this year sees the tenth anniversary of my passion for Mocha. Not so keen on latte, and wary about downing a dodgy cappuccino (it’s amazing how frequent they can be…), yet traditionally a happy tea-slurper, it’s staggering to think how Mocha could have tantalised my taste buds in this seemingly unexpected manner.

So, what’s the Story of Mocha? Where does it come from?   

The rise of Islam played a pivotal role in the rise of coffee consumption. With alcohol prohibited to Muslims, coffee became a regular staple in Arabia. The first (recorded) instance of coffee drinking comes from the Sufi monasteries of Yemen.  Indeed, the Yemeni town most closely associated with my fave hot beverage is… lo & behold: Mocha.

The Arabic word: “qahwa” became the Turkish: “kahve” but it wasn’t until 1582 when the Dutch name: “koffie” entered the English language under its present form. Out of the numerous tomes on “The History of Coffee” there does not appear to be a “History of Mocha.” It looks like my next writing project has just nudged its way forward…

In this modern age, with the advent of big multi-national brands, coffee is ubiquitous. Whether it be Bangkok, Singapore or even London, you can find this writer sipping a tall, hot Mocha while editing his papers.

Until the next brew Blog, enjoy your coffee, but watch those calories!