Fantastic Beats And Where To Find Them: Vol: 3

Back By Popular Demand!  

(Not really – just always wanted to type that!) ūüėȬ†

“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud… I may not dance your dances or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody. That’s what I think” – Maya Angelou.¬†

We are going to have to wait AGES¬†for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, but here – in the groovy sector of the blogosphere – you don’t have to hold¬†out too long for¬†Vol. 3 of those¬†Fantastic Beats.

Love the way this blogging platform allows me to insert music into my fiction Рto evoke mood, or enhance the wow factor. Sometimes, however, an irresistible, uproarious tune will pop up, but its deliriously distracting vid prevents it from inclusion Рhere, all the best examples have been presented. 

Besides, it seems like an eternity since the frivolous and frenetic dancathon that was Fantastic Beats Vol. 2. 

Hey, DJ Brad, you ask, where do we begin? 

What better place than @ the beginning?!

Detroit,¬†to be exact.¬†During the ’80s, when house music appeared, the much rougher sound¬†of¬†techno music¬†also emerged; one of its pioneers was¬†Jeff Mills.¬†After all this time, he is still experimenting with various kinds of infectious beats.¬†Recently – to my sheer delight –¬†he has incorporated¬†strong¬†sci-fi-vibes into a more ambient direction of his work.

Just the other day we stumbled across this zany vid to a fave old skool classic –¬†what a swell buncha’ fellas!¬†

No disruption. No damages. Just dancing. Delightful.

But why the masks for dancing in the street, amigos? 

If you’re worried about getting nabbed for “social disorder” then, blazes,¬†Brad¬†should’ve been put behind bars long ago, by Jove!¬†ūüėČ

“In these science fiction stories – even against enormous odds – people still feel the urge to go on, to discover… I understood it wouldn‚Äôt be easy to materialise some of these ideas slightly beyond the dance floor in electronic music. Actually there‚Äôs quite a lot of resistance against changing or using music in other things” – Jeff Mills.¬†

As you may have noticed, Paul Birken has become synonymous with my Fartlighter Bradventures. 

This following track can be found on Mr. Birken’s own YouTube channel, which is – as the neighbours can attest – visited every day.¬†

As far as we know, he even compiled the vid himself! 

Actually, the original Drvg Cvltvre track is kinda meh, but add a Paul Birken Remix and РWAHEY! Рit is transformed into a stupendous stomper: 

“The only thing that you have that nobody else has¬†is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can” – Neil Gaiman.

For the next tem, it was a case of looking for a cool vid, and decent sound quality. One fine example initially slated for this next spot has been taken down.

No worries: regularly listened to this stylish stand-by whilst writing fiction @ our Southeast Asian retreat a few years back.

Sandwell District was the sensational Рalbeit short-lived Рcollaboration between DJs Function and Regis (who is one of my faves).

The video is the short film: Tunnel of Love (1977) featuring Tamara Beckwith and Edward Tudor Pole.

Mesmerising…

 

“Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance” – Confucius.¬†

“Variety is the spice of Bradscribe,”¬†as they say.

It’s not all¬†about¬†bompity-bompitybomp records one after another here.

Fantastic beats can be found across many diverse musical genres.¬†Besides, you never know what you’re going to get on this site, but it’s best¬†to¬†prepare yourself for gorgeous grungy gems such as this next item.

Many thanks to the¬†Transexual Swiss Rebels –¬†yes! Them again –¬†for reminding me of the rich cultural heritage that is African-American music:

“Nature is so powerful, so strong. Capturing its essence is not easy – your work becomes a dance with light and the weather. It takes you to a place within yourself” – Annie Leibovitz. ¬†

It would be interesting to learn¬†what inspired¬†Steve Hillage –¬†legendary frontman of 70s psychedelic rock band: Gong –¬†to make the transition to techno music by the 90s.¬†He has adapted to it rather well, for how about this for fusion: never seen/heard anyone else playing electric guitar over electronic dance music.

If one could attend one more music festival, then it must have System 7 on the bill. Mr. and Mrs. Hillage have gained a reputation for being one of the best live acts in the land.

As you can see here, this vid was shot in the living room @ Brad Manor (hence the belly dancers):

Get on the good foot, Loki!¬†ūüėČ

“Towards the end of the 80s, when Acid House exploded, we felt, you know, we had found our new musical home…¬†and we just thought: we’ve seen the future! This is gonna be fucking massive, man! Electronic! Dance. Music. Eureka!” –¬†Steve Hillage.

Twenty years ago, coinciding with my giddy times @ university, the Tresor label (based in Berlin) brought out some of the most snazzy techno tunes, a lot of which helped me plough through some particularly difficult Рor just unbelievably dull Рessays.

Discovering YouTube eight years ago helped me to delve into the scintillating back catalogue¬†of¬†one of that label’s most innovative lights: an excitable – and highly enjoyable – bunny known only as Brixton. ¬†

Reckon a DJ just stands there, fiddling with a Roland TB-303, a Roland TR-909, or whatnot? 

Trust Brixton to put the LIVE into live set!

And remember: if at first you don’t succeed… just dance!

Cheers!

 

“What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me…” – Tony Stark.¬†

 

 

 

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“Don’t Delay, Book Today!”: The Entertainer Is Back in Town!

2ooth Post!!

The Entertainer Blogger Award comes to me from the talented and entertaining

Danica @ Living A Beautiful Life Thank You, Danica!

“You mean old books?”

“Stories written before space travel but about space travel.”

“How could there have been stories about space travel before-“

“The writers,” Pris said, “made it up…‚ÄĚ – Philip K. Dick.

Having succumbed to a particularly debilitating bout of¬†Scribe’s Fever¬†a few months ago,¬†it was truly a delightnay, a blessing – to be presented with this particular Award.¬†

The Entertainer Blogger¬†Award recognizes bloggers who are funny, inspiring and most of all, entertaining.¬†This special Post – also marking my 4th Blogiversary! –¬†happens to appear in the same week that this blog hit the 30,000 views mark.¬†

Yes, yes, this is a BIG brouhaha for me Рit makes me want to dance on the beach; shout in the local library. Feel so high, wanna touch the sky etc. etc. 

One of the questions asked as part of this Award intrigued me:

What is your favourite book?

Thus, these last few evenings have been spent, deep within the cosy and cushty confines of¬†the Sanctum Sanctorum @¬†Brad Manor,¬†perchance to pour over the VAST array of books that one has accumulated across four decades¬†and determineonce and for all – which of them proved to be The Life-Changers…¬†

“A room without books is like a body without a soul” – Marcus Tullius Cicero.

The most amazing SF novels to inspire me will – no doubt – feature here @ some point. Probably in two parts. Or even three…¬†

For this Post, we will Рwhole-heartedly Рconcentrate on the NON-fiction cabinet of my book collection. Selecting just FIVE titles proved to be quite a perplexing beard-scratcher in itself.

Without further ado, welcome to¬†Brad’s Books¬†

Hmm, sounds like a vintage secondhand tome emporium, lost down some leafy English lane. No doubt such an establishment would look very much like the inside of his head: small, cramped, and full of dust and good reads. 

Aah, can see it now: a  rather surly-looking fat Persian cat sits in the window, nestled on a comfy, leather-bound edition of How To Spot A Creep From A Distance.

A sign on the door reads: Come In, We Are Awesome!

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re sceptical” – Arthur C. Clarke.¬†

The first book that springs to mind is the tome that helped get me mixed up in SF in the first place Рthe joy of The Space Warriors has already been praised elsewhere, but then, it IS fiction, so instead, let me draw your attention to that other hefty tome snapped up around 1979/80: Alien Creatures, by Richard Siegel and J-C Suares. 

It¬†is one of those books that could appeal at once to a moppet like me and an intellectual like my father. Its in-depth history of SF cinema¬†came with such an incredibly stuffy, hi-brow text for such a small boy to ingest,¬†(read it and appreciated it only fairly recently, in fact) –¬†my immediate attention was especially drawn to the rare stills from the¬†Flash Gordon RKO serials (repeated every morning during the school holidays back then)¬†and¬†Ray Harryhausen filmography¬†then my main obsession.

In addition, it contained conceptual art by¬†Ralph McQuarrie¬†and “exclusive stills”¬†of a space opera – from the director of American Grafitti –¬†that had only appeared in cinemas that past Summer…

While that unexpected smash went on to transform big-budget moviemaking – and the whole course of¬†science fiction¬†(for the better?),¬†Alien Creatures¬†set the standard for what my bookshelves – back then: clean, sturdy and reputable keepers of knowledge –¬†should come to expect…¬†

“Enticing, imaginative, readable, iridescent” – New York Times.

What’s that?

Want to read a book telling the story of how fifteen billion years of cosmic evolution transformed matter and life into consciousness?

Ha! Got just the thing –¬†Cosmos by Carl Sagan¬†admittedly,¬†we were hooked by the ground-breaking¬†TV series in¬†1980.¬†In such a rare moment, the medium of television actually fulfilled its remit of offering an educational and entertaining programme.

In this bold project,¬†here was someone – Dr. Carl Sagan – prepared to discuss the mysteries of the universe in¬†a captivating and uncomplicated way. Not only did his book instil in me a wonder of science and a zest for all-things-cosmic, it taught me the value of questioning anything and everything (much to my teachers’ annoyance)…

And there are half a dozen groovy quotes accompanying each chapter, so when my blog came to fruition, one automatically assumed that quotes were obligatory Рha!

“The Cosmos is all¬†that is or ever was or ever will be” – Carl Sagan. ¬†¬†

“Sh! We hear a rustling in the greenery and a soft sound of running feet. This is Procompsognathus, an early meat-eating dinosaur. But how small it is!” ¬†

Every boy should have a book on dinosaurs,¬†so¬†Dinosaurs¬†And Other Prehistoric Reptiles¬†by Jane Werner Watson¬†became my go-to – published in 1978, and it shows.¬†The sauropods had to “stay in swamps to keep their massive bulk upright.”¬†Moreover,¬†the advances and discoveries made in palaeontology since this book’s publication are quite considerable.¬†

However, what sets this tome apart from all the rest is the INCREDIBLE artwork by Rudolph F. Zallinger. 

The wonder of this book lies in its staggering timeline.¬†Along the bottom of each page, a yellow, numbered box represents a million yrs; a tiny illo shows which major type of dinosaur roamed Pangaea at that time.¬†While each chapter describes the (pre)history of these palaeontological marvels –¬†from the emergence of fish onto land to the final members of the Cretaceous Period –¬†that timeline works in reverse.¬†

To put this gargantuan chronology into perspective, we homo sapiens barely make it halfway across the first page, while the dinosaurs hold sway throughout the majority of the book’s fifty pages…

Interestingly, the last (first?) beast to be featured is the fish-like¬†Eusthenopteron¬†that swam around 290 million years ago.¬†The otherwise empty timeline terminates at¬†293 million years BC…¬†

“Down along the sunny shore, Tyrant Lizard finds the hunting better. He can walk fairly fast on his two legs on dry land. But he does not like to get too close to the water…”

“Science Fiction: still for some of us the most marvellous subject – or at least the second most marvellous subject. ‘The glory, jest and riddle of the world’ – at once abominable and abysmal in so many of its manifestations, and yet, in its best, the voice nearest to our inner voice” – Brian W. Aldiss (1925 – 2017).¬†

Now, where would this blog be without The Science Fiction Source Book?! 

Acquired during a Withdrawn Stock sale @ the local library,¬†this veritable encyclopaedia of¬†science fiction, first published in 1984 – edited by David Wingrove, with a¬†Foreword by Brian W. Aldiss –¬†represents, arguably, the best thirty-five pence ever spent.¬†

Following an introductory decade by decade Brief History of SF,¬†there are sections discussing the sub-genres of SF;¬†various small features describing the Art of Writing contributed by a whole host of leading writers;¬†and a considerable A-Z Consumers’ Guide: listing authors from¬†Edwin A. Abbott to Roger Zelazny. ¬†

It has flown with me between three countries, in my travel bag, nestled next to both my writing journals, a copy of either Scientific Enquirer or The Economist, and whatever novel piqued my interest at that time. 

Even now, as this Post is prepared on my Dashboard, the¬†Source Book¬†lies in easy reach…

“The strength of Maisel’s approach to his grand theme lies precisely in its breadth… it is generously illustrated with diagrams, maps and graphs… both scholarly and accessible to non-specialists; indeed it is a tour de force” – David R. Harris, Director, Institute of Archaeology, London.¬†

Twenty years ago this quarter, mu Ancient History abd Archaeology degree @ The University Of Manchester began.

When the Unconditional Offer¬†arrived through the post, my parents were so delighted. And relieved.¬†My freelance journalism career had come to an abrupt, unforeseen halt the year before¬†so my life needed a dramatic upturn.¬†The next letter to come from¬†Manchester¬†felt like a dream –¬†it contained a READING LIST!!¬†

Deep joy. 

Thus ensued a (mostly) satisfying book-hunt. At the Top Of The List Рand deservedly so when recalling it in hindsight Рwas: The Emergence Of Civilization by Charles Keith Maisels.

Integrating Archaeology, Ecology and Textual History to produce a new Anthropological perspective, it charts the rise from hunter/gathering Рthrough farming and advances in social complexity Рto the rise of city-states in the ancient Near East.

Now, you’d think that a textbook with such chapters as:

“The relationship of demography and technology to social structure,”

“Is agriculture the outcome of technological discoveries?”¬†

and –¬†whisper it –¬†“The ecology of the Zagrosian Arc,”

would make for trying and tiresome studying, but no!

Far from it!

It proved to be endlessly fascinating, responsible for helping me to produce some of my most successful essays.¬†My interest was, however, not all it managed to absorb…

One day, somebody accidentally sat on my backpack (don’t ask), thereby squashing my daily banana¬†onto this academic behemoth.¬†All three page edges remain cursed by dark, frightful – but fruity – stains. But for months the sweet essence of banana lingered.

Lo, every book tells its own story…¬†

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life” – Mark Twain.¬†

THANK YOU SO MUCH to each, and everyone of you, who have Liked and Commented on my various movies, comics, books, science and fiction gubbins.

Brad is a humble wordsmith, but is nothing without YOUR appreciation.

CHEERS!!

There is a lot more cool stuff yet to come. Promise!

And who does Brad Nominate for this Award?

Well, automatically, YOU who are reading this! (If you want to do an Entertainer Blogger post let me know and you will receive the full set of questions!)

By the way, this Post could not finish without a special shout-out to the Best Book Blogger In The Blogosphere,¬†who can read a novel AND post its review faster than Brad can eat a burritothat’s some considerable talent right there…

Think she might be absolutely thrilled to see this: ūüôā

“A book is a fragile creature, it suffers the wear of time, it fears rodents, the elements and clumsy hands. So the librarian protects the books not only against mankind but also against nature and devotes his/her life to this war with the forces of oblivion” – Umberto Eco.

As soon as this Post goes out, no doubt another half-dozen life-changing titles will spring to mind.

Ah well…

For the moment, this insightful, perhaps interesting dare one say it – entertaining –¬†Post looks groovy enough.

Doesn’t it?

As for the Book With The Greatest Title Of All Time – it didn’t take long at all to work that one out: ūüėČ

“Books are a uniquely portable magic” – Stephen King.

keep-calm-and-read-a-book

“You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them” – Ray Bradbury.

 

“You May Dispense With The Pleasantries, Commander”: THIS IS IT! BRAD CONFRONTS ZAN DOKA!!

Duel Of The Cakes…

 

This is the Final Episode in the Firm And Shapely Trilogy ‚Äď if you want to catch-up, here are Episode I & Episode II

Good. I can feel your anger. I am defenceless. Take your weapon! Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete…” – Emperor Palpatine.¬†

 

BLAZES!

We CAN’T wait any longer! Get ON with it, already!

 

“Command Ztation, zeez eez ZT 3-2-wurn. Code Clearence Blue,” announced the Zandokan pilot as the¬†Zoulzukker approached the Imperial Ztodgeztonker. ¬†

“Ve’re ztarteenk our apprurch. Deactivate ze zecurity jhield!”

A Command Ztation officer¬†watched their approach:¬†“Infirm Lord Zegreatme zat Commandair Zubizmaar hez errift.”

In the Imperial Foyer, the Dark Lord strode towards a turbo-lift, anxiously awaiting its occupants. The doors slid aside and two guards exited, followed by the leader of the Kriegzlide Killzquad and his prisoner, who gazed at Zegreatme with complete calm.

“Zeez eez a Rebel zat zurrendaired to uz. Although he deniez eet, Ay believe zhere may be murr uv zem, end Ay requezt pairmizzun to conduct a furthair zearch uv ze area… He vuz armed… urnly weev zeez.”

The Commander extended his hand, revealing the egg-whisk that¬†the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger¬†had “borrowed” from the canteen on Wotsit IV;¬†Brad¬†chortled heartily.

“Gourd verk, Commandair. Leaf uz. Conduct yer zairch end breenk heez combpanionz to me.”

“Yez, may Lord.”

Zmutti Zubizmaar and the guards withdrew. The rotten antagonist and the¬†groovy protagonist¬†stood alone in the oddly tranquil beauty of the place… until¬†Zegreatme¬†growled and flung the whisk aside.

“Ze Emprah hez been expecteenk yo,” the Dark Lord muttered as they walked back into the flagship.

“I know, me Lord.”

“Zo,¬†yo hef accepted ze truth zat – hey! – Ay EM Ze Beeg Cheeez-”¬†

“I’ve accepted the truth that you are a big-“

“ENNUV!” They halted abruptly. “DEMN YO, FERTLITTAIR! VHERE’Z MAY VUKKEEN’ ZAMZUNG?” ¬†

“Jeez, Zeggy-baby, haven’tcha got over that yet?!¬†Anyways, it seems ages since we last locked antlers, sotaspeak.¬†Ya know what? I missed ya, Zeg yeah¬†yeah, I’ve actually missed ya, you stormin’ biochemech tosspot, you!¬†Funny thing is… I reckon that… yeah, you kinda missed me too, coochie-coo…” ¬†

The Dark Lord bristled:¬†“UFF…! DURN’T MEK ME DEZTROY YO…”

“Nah-ah, I know ya¬†missed me-”

ZYLENZ! AY VEEL NUT LEEZZEN…”

“…That is why ya couldn’t destroy me. That’s why ya won’t bring me ta yer Emp’ror now-“

“GAH! YO AIR A DEEKWAD, AZ ZE EMPRAH HEZ FURZEEN…”

‚ÄúSearch yer feelin’s, tosspot-‚ÄĚ

“YO DURN’T KNUR ZE PAH UV ZE EMPAH!”

“I feel the conflict wiv- Jeez! That ‘eadache yer givin’ me dahn’ ‘arf split!¬†Let go o’ yer Caps Lock, already! Fer goodness sake, flamin‚Äô Nora‚Ķ”

“Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?” – Han Solo.¬†

Just as they rounded a corner, Brad hurled himself into the Dark Lord, sending him clattering and swearing inanely into the wall opposite.

As mad as a bicycle, the reluctant infiltrator dashed off with a gaggle of guards in hot, clanking pursuit. To one side, a door slid up; instinct compelled him to hurl his ripped bod through. He found himself in a sizeable hall Рpenetrating blackness prevented him from sussing out how large. 

A transparent screen – several metres high –¬†met his startled gaze on the port side. Countless glittering stars dazzled his retinas as he gawped into the infinite vastness of¬†space…

“BEHULD!!¬†Ze ultimet pah in ze uneevuzz! End eet eez… ULL MAIN…”¬†

The abrupt, booming voice reverberated malevolently. Your hero slowly turned, and there, in an opulent throne sat the most imposing figure Brad had ever encountered. It was bedecked in brilliant purple biochemech armour, and wrapped in the most extravagant crimson cloak. No head could be seen. That despicable voice emanated from within an oversized, conical silver-plated helmet as worn by the Varlok warlords of olde. 

“ENTAH, Bred Fertlittair! Ay hef been expecteenk yo…”

“Oh, blazes… That voice… That cloak…! Ya gotta be-‚ÄĚ

“Prezizely, Commandair!¬†EMPRAH ZAN DOKA: RULAIR UV ZE UNEEVUZZ!

“Az lung az Ay vield ze PAH COZMEEC, Ay em ULL PAHFUL!¬†Lurng hef Ay ewetted zeez day!¬†Ay vonted to meet ze wun end urnly¬†Kekchairmair…¬†Beefur heez eeneviteble extairmeenation, heh heh heh…¬†Prepare to meet thy DOME, Urfmairn!!”

“Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first…?” – Poe Dameron.

“Wherevair Ay look,¬†ze Rebel bandz air zcattered end demurelized¬†acrozz ze ztarz…

“Eet ezz urnly a mattair uv tem beefur yer peeteeful leetle bend air crujt, end¬†may gallant furzez march to ze vinal veectory!”

“Pfah, YOU… are the one ‘oo’s doomed,¬†Zan –¬†we may be few, we may be poor, but the Rebellion’ll be the end o’ ya – of that, ya can be sure!”

“Ha! Nut even yer louzy poetry ken harm me!”¬†Emperor Zan Doka sneered.

“Yer gravely mistaken, Chief… Ya really think that yer despicable ideology o’ hate will prevail…?¬†‘Ere, check it aht: as long as dudes like me stand oop ta the likes uvya-“

“Laike yo?! Heh, yer NUTHEENK,¬†Bred!¬†Juzt a homelezz zupairmudel weev a blaztair!”

“Huh, an’ you are a-”¬†

“ENNUV!¬†AIR, Lurd Zegreatme! Ve vood be honaired eef yo cood jurroin uz…!”

Brad sensed a gargantuan fella lumber in to stand beside him.

“Eet eez UNWAZ to queztion ze Rulair Uv Ze Uneevuzz, Urfmairn…”¬†Zegreatme grumbled.

“Oh yeah? I’d like to see how far ya get wivaht him strainin’ on yer leash, Zeg-“

“Urgh yeah? Ay’ll ZTRAIN YO unteel yo tell me VOT yo deed wiv may VUKKEEN’ ZAMZUNG, Bred!”¬†

“Ya know what?!¬†I shoulda shoved it in yer Imperial Cake’ole! Blimey, it’s bloomin’ big enough! Then ya’ll be sure NEVAH ta lose it!”

“Yo knur vot?!¬†Ay’m gonna LOOZ EET een a meenut, Urfzcurm!¬†BAY SHOVEEN’ YO OAT ZE VUKKEEN’ AIRLOCK!!”

“Huh, try it,¬†coochie-coo. Just try…”¬†¬†

“ZVIVEL ME ZYDWEZ!!” the Emperor roared.¬†“Vood yo juzt LEEZEN to ze pair uv yaz?!¬†JEEZ! Yo two verr MEDD fer each uzzair!¬†How ken ve rezturr peaz end belendz to ze¬†Uneevuzz wiv yo DEEPWEETZ conztently beeckaireeng, heh? HEH?! JEEZ!!”¬†

“Fergeev me, may Mazter…”

“NUR! Ay zwear! Yo two veel be ze deff uv me! Ay ken juzt enveezage¬†ze pair uv yaz teemeeng urp end ovairthroweeng me!”¬†

Brad’s cute eyes lit up.¬†

“‘Ey!! Tha’s a thought…” he whispered, nudging¬†the Dark Lord playfully in the ribs.¬†“Whaddya say, Zeggy-baby?! Why dahn’ we team oop an’ take dahn this-“

“NUR!¬†‘OW DARE YO, URFMAIRN! AY VEEL NEVAIR TURRRN EGENZT MAY MAZTER, FOOL!!”

“We can DO this! Come ON…! Aow ya picked one ‘elluva time ta turn yella, fella…”¬†

“ZYLENZ! YO DARE CALL ZE DAKK LURD UV ZAN DOKA A COWARD?! VUKKIT, BRED, WUN MURR WYZAZZ LINE FROM YO EN’ AY VEEL HEET YO ZO VUKKEEN’ ‘ARD, YO’LL BE VLYEENK!!”

“WOO…! You EAT CAKE wiv that mouth?!”¬†

“JEEZ, zhere yo two gur… EGEN!”¬†wailed the exasperated Zan Doka.¬†“Dyzan demmit!¬†Deedn’t ze pair uv yaz hear me ze virzt tem?! ‘OO eez Emprah eround ‘ere? HELLUR…?!¬†‘Oneztly!¬†Zeez beekkereeng eez geeveenk me en ‘eadache!”¬†

“YOU got a split’er?!”¬†Brad¬†cried in dismay.¬†“‘Ow’d ya think I feel?! ‘Ad nuthin’ but grief given ta me by the pair uv yers ever since I wuz brough’ ‘ere!”

Brad’s cute eyes lit up again.¬†

“It- say! We do ‘ave some’t in common! ‘Ey!! Tha’s a thought…¬†Whaddya say, Big-Wig? Why dahn’ we team oop an’ take dahn ol’ lanky Lordy Fog’orn ‘ere? Like, I’m easy, either way, man…”

“ENNUV!”¬†th Emperor roared once more.¬†“Yo TRY oor patienze ULL TOO QUEEKLY, Fertlittair! Yo VEEL be zentenzed to deff!”

“Come again?”

“DEFF!!”

Yer overconfidence is yer weakness,”¬†exclaimed¬†Brad.

The Emperor spun round and spat: Yer zoftzpotz fer peenball macheeenz end kek eez yerz…”

Zegreatme¬†nudged¬†Brad mockingly in the ribs and whispered:¬†“Eet eez purrntlezz to rezeezt… DEEKWAD…”

“Power is the only freedom that I seek. Absolute power is absolute freedom” – Omega.¬†

“Lord Zeg, leave uz,”¬†Emperor Zan Doka exclaimed.

“Ez yo weesh, may Mazter…”

The Dark Lord bowed ostentatiously, but snarled at¬†Brad¬†before departing:¬†“Zee yo latair, deekwad…”

“Yeah, already missin’ ya, Dork Lard…”¬†the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger¬†drawled as he watched his arch-nemesis depart.

“Nice. Gotta hand it to ya, Chief; tha’s one well-trained poodle ya got there. Foul-mouf’ed, lousy tempah per’aps, but still, nice…”

Brad froze, staring at a delectable object on a stand beside the¬†Emperor’s throne.¬†

‚ÄúYo vont zeez…” The Emperor snarled, turning to regard a slice of chocolate cake¬†with abject scorn.¬†“Durn’t yo…?”

‚ÄúThat’s… that’s a slice o’ me fave! You can sense that…?”

“Zenze it?! Ay ken hear yer ztomach rumblin’ frurm ‘ere, Urfmairn!”

“An’ ‘oo’s fault is that,¬†Chief…?¬†Blazes… ya enforce blockades; annex ‘ole planets; subjugate – even xterminate – entire species!¬†All the while, thousands… oh Dyzan, millions… are starvin’! They despair!¬†They ‘oller!¬†They curse ya!¬†An’ wotcha doin’, all the while…? ‘Oldin’ fancy dress parades? Openin’ new Imperial space stations…? Playin’ golf…?!”

“Nur, Ay rule!”¬†

“Nah, YOU SUCK!!¬†Ya really think that I’m jus’ gonna lounge arahn’ an’ let ya torment the galaxy wiv yer… yer-“

All of a sudden, your hero felt a tingling sensation in his mind as the Emperor held aloft his long, spell-casting talons.

“Yezzz, yo VONT TO TEK ZE PLAZ BAY MAY ZIDE… Yo VONT to eet ze kek, Bred… EEET… ZE… KEK…”

“Uh… yeah, man… I wanna eet ze… ‘ang on…!”¬†Brad¬†shook his head,¬†holding the tasty-looking wodge in his gloved hand, sniffing it.¬†

“Uff… poisoned!”¬†he roared and hurled it angrily at the Emperor.¬†“Think ya can fool the Cakecharmer ‘imself wiv dodgy bakes, eh?!”

The Emperor struck back:¬†“Eef yo veel nut be turned, yo veel be-!”

“‘OLD! ‘Ang abaht, Zan – I got a bet’er idea… …”¬†

“Put down your weapons! No one, but no one, dies in the palace without a command from the Emperor” – Klytus.

“GAH! VUKK!!” the Emperor roared as he burst out of his own throne room into the main corridor, throwing frustrated Imperial arms in the air. “VERDS FAIEEL ME!!”

Zegreatme and the Praetorian Guards sprang to attention.

“Zat Urfmairn… eez ‘ard verk, iz’e nut, may Mazter?”

“Ya ken zay ZAT eggen, Zeg! VUKK, ‘e’z zumzeenk elze…¬†Een ULL MAY DAYZ, Ay hef NEHVAIR beefur met ‘ee’z laike…”¬†Emperor Zan Doka grumbled.

“Vot eez thy biddeeng, may Mazter?”

Uff… vukk knowz… Vot muzt wun do agenzt ze PAIRFECT combeenation¬†uv¬†pecz, abz en’ bunz…¬†GAH! Vot KEN wun DO against zuch a… ZUCH A- GAH…!”

“Do nut fret,¬†Mazter,”

“Nur worries… Lord Zegreatme! Zhere eez zumzeenk trubbleen’ me… Pat yer head…”

“May Mazter…? Ay do NUT undairztand…”

“Do nut look zo zairprized, Lurdy –¬†Pat yer head… Know, rub ze tummy at ze zame tem-“

“But VHY, Mazter…?!”

“GAH! VUKK! DO NUT QUEZTION YER EMPRAH! HOW MENNY TEMZ MUZT AY TELL YO NERKZ, HEH?!¬†HEH, jeez…”

“Fergeev me, Mazter; ez yo veesh,¬†May Mazter…”

“HA!! Yo KEN do eet! Ay knew eet; I KNEW IT! Ha…! That’s one thing I can’t abide¬†about¬†you extremistsyer ALL shout, an’ NAH clout. Jus’ a sad bunch o’ blind, obedient automatons.¬†‘Oo¬†NEVAH question authority; ya CAN’T even exhibit yer own initiative!¬†YOU are the lot who will meet thy DOME! DONUTS… the lot o’ ya…”

“May Mazter, vot…?!”

“Nutheenk yo ken get ta greepz weev, Zeg… Oh! Wun murr theeng…¬†Remove the blockades from Gondabek, Otthon IV and¬†Burgonya. Oh!¬†And – while you’re at it – withdraw the garrisons from Oberon and Shazbot…! And Tufluk!¬†‘Tiz yer Emprah’s weel! EDVENZ EET!¬†KNOW…!

“Ze Urfwomairn!¬†She’z urn ze Detention Levil – Ay VONT to zee hair! Tek ME to ‘AIR, zumbuddy!!”

One Shokk Trooper stepped confidently forwards: “Shee eez held een Cell wurn-wurn-3-8.¬†Let me ezcurt yo, Yer Highness!”

“Gourd… GOURD! A faine example uv Eemperial deezcipline, zeez boy!¬†Lead URN, Troopair…!¬†Mek ware, MEK WARE!¬†Rulair uz ze Freeken’ Uneevuzz, comeen’ thro…”

And with that, they marched away down the corridor.

Rounding a corner, away from any Imperial bods,¬†the Emperor noticed a couple of curiosities: clearly, this individual seemed too short to be a Shokk Trooper; and a most-recent blast point could clearly be seen on his right pec…

He stopped the¬†Trooper in his tracks, and exclaimed:¬†“Zhere eez zumzeenk… very femeeliair¬†aboat¬†zet voice… Yo zed “Yer Highnessss…”¬†

The Ruler of the Universe looked up and down the corridor, ensuring that they were indeed alone. Then he reached over, and – clasping the shocked Trooper‘s shoulder¬†and jigging it a lil¬†– began to speak in a more groovy voice:

“It… IS you, innit… Bagel…?¬†Thank Dyzan, I thought ya wuz a goner!¬†SO GOOD¬†ta see ya again, kid… …”

“Go and seek out Baltar. Tell him I am displeased. Tell him I offer a choice: deliver the Battlestar… or deliver his head” –¬†Cylon Imperious Leader.¬†

“Blimey, Commander!¬†Ya jus’ gotta tell me ‘ow ya got ‘old o’ th Emperor’s cloak!”¬†Bagel¬†enthused as the two Rebels marched towards the Detention Level.¬†

“Aww, this is an awesome piece o’ snazzy clobber, innit?¬†Nah worries, kid! Ya see, it wuz like this: we-“

“HALT! Ze pair uv yo!”¬†shouted the armed, female Zandokan sentry as they rounded the next corner.¬†She¬†scowled at the Emperor, aiming her blaster ominously…

“We-heh-hell! This is TOO GOOD to be true…¬†I’m not standin’ for the likes a’ you… Your Slyness… HEY!¬†What are you starin’ at me like THAT for…?! I’m gonna-!”¬†

“WETT!” cried the young Trooper.¬†“Durn’t yo knur who yo air deeeleenk wiv ‘ere?!”

“Why should I give a fudge…?”

Abruptly, the “Emperor” flung off his helmet.¬†“‘Cos I dragged me firm an’ shapely buns across the Imperial Lightnin’ Field ta getcha, LEX!”

“What-?! BRAD?! But how…?” his Second Officer cried as she flung off her helmet.

“Ya bally well know I’ve always got a plan as ‘ot as me pants…!¬†But what the blazes are ya doin’ in that get-up-?”

“Uff, look who’s blabbin’…”

“Ya’ll never get quali’y screen toime masqueradin’ as a ‘Trooper, lov…”¬†

“Yeah? Well, I didnt plan to just hang around in a cell actin’ out that tired ol’ damsel-in-distress clich√©-!”

“Yeah? Well, I didnt plan ta sit arahn’ on me firm an’ shapely buns jus’ worryin’ abahtcha!”¬†

“Well, cheers for your concern, Commander…”¬†She turned to the Trooper and gleered:¬†“And I suppose, right here, we have, none other than…?”

The Trooper flung off his helmet. “Bagel Looney, atcha service, ma’am!”

“Ugh! Put that helmet back ON! I risked my neck all for… this?! Really –¬†too short for a Shokk Trooper?”

Aow, bloomin’ ‘eck, don‚Äôt you start…!”

It- say! Where’d you get THIS?!”¬†Lexi gasped, fondling the rich sheen of¬†Brad’s¬†new crimson velvet wrap.¬†

“Who’dya think? ‘E’s th only one ya can get it from…”

“Yes, but HOW DID YOU get hold of th Emperor’s cloak?!”

“Aww, this is an awesome piece o’ snazzy clobber, innit?¬†Nah worries, lov! Ya see, it wuz like this: we-“

“DEMN YO, FERTLITTAIR!! YO TRIED TO FOOL ZEGREATME?!”

“Uh oh…”

The Imperial tannoy crackled and whined up and down the corridor; Brad’s headache throbbed even more, as his arch-nemesis bellowed maniacally. ¬†

“BY ZE PAH UV ZE EMPAH, YO VEEL PAY FER ZEEZ OATREJ!!”

“Gawd…! Lays it on a bit thick, doesn’t he?!”¬†Lexi gasped.

“Uff, tell me abaht it…” Brad groaned.¬†“This gaff reeks o’ faschismus, dunnit?! An’ I’ve ‘ad this pair a’ barmy biochemech barnpots screamin’ in me lug’oles¬†all mornin’…¬†Come on, amigos, let’s gerrahtav’ere!”¬†

They raced away; six legs encased in biochemech armour – it made such an awful racket…¬†

“‘ERE! VHEREZEVUKK YO GO?! AY VEEL NUT LET Y’ULL EZKEP!!”

“‘Ow we gonna get aht?!” worried Bagel, as they reached the overcrowded Imperial Flight Deck.¬†“We can’t jus’ nab a new crate under these nerks’ noses-“

“Aww, no worries, Bagel! YES, WE CAN! Wiv me badass cloak an’ flawless Zandokan accent, we’re gonna nab the¬†‘Ead ‘Ombre’s own crate:¬†the Zentinel.”

“Huh, you sure your buns can get that far weighed down in all that armour?”¬†Lexi¬†frowned sceptically.¬†“Whatever you do,¬†don’t trip over your cloak… Your Highness…”

“Heh, sweet… Ta fer th tip, Officer!¬†Okey dokey, those bozos bet’er bewareRuler O’ Th Frickin’ Universe, comin’ through-“

Just as Brad jumped out to expose himself, Lexi tugged him back and sprinted stealthily across the concourse.

Bagel¬†gawped as – silently, shockingly – she made mincemeat of the ground crew:¬†“Who is she…?! She’s… beautiful…”

“Wakey, frickin’ wakey, oor kid!” Brad swiped the lovestruck lad gently over the head. “Yes… YES! She’s opened the ‘atch! C’mon, Boy Blunder, we’re movin’ in!”

Through volleys of laser-fire, the dynamic duo bungled aboard just as the hatch began to close – at least, the youngest fella made it onto th bridge…

“This bucket o’ bolts is never gonna g- Brad?!”¬†Lexi yelled.¬†“What the blazes are you doing back there?!”

“‘Arf a tick, lov,” he shouted. “I got me cloak stuck in the door…”¬†

“…I’ve never before met your like. You’re a hero, don’t you see that…? You really prefer death to a kingdom? I’m disappointed. I’d much rather see you on my side, than scattered into… atoms… but, as you wish…” – Emperor Ming The Merciless. ¬†

“PUNCH IT, LEX!”¬†the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger¬†(eventually) wailed,¬†and the colossal ion engines of the Imperial Zentinel¬†shuddered and howled into life.¬†Within seconds, the tired – but triumphant – trio found themselves zooming away from the¬†Imperial flagship.¬†And… YES!¬†As expected, whenever Zan Doka’s vessel blasts off,¬†the Imperial Lightning Field¬†is automatically deactivatedHUZZAH!

On-board, Brad¬†flopped into the co-pilot’s seat next to Lexi.

“Whoopee-doo, we did it…! Hey, whaddya think: Bagel in the Company-“

“No, NO!!” the Officer swung round and fumed.¬†“No WAY¬†is¬†that weasel becoming one of us! Goldarn it, Brad!¬†You’re STILL smarting over losing¬†Mitch. I know; heck, we all are… he was… irreplaceable.¬†This reckless little…! He’s NEVER going to make the grade. You saw yourself¬†how reckless he is…¬†Teach him not to endanger the rest of the Militia, if you want to, but NOT on the Calista! Not near us!”

“Uh-huh – not near YOU ya mean…”

“You GOTCHA, Commander…”¬†

“Received… an’ un’erstood…”

Brad¬†sauntered off to salivate over the gleaming Imperial Coffee-Maker while Bagel fiddled with the¬†Imperial Zuperduper Ztereozoundzyztem,¬†loading some blisteringly dark and grungy drum n’ bass.¬†Brad peered in and a big dopey grin spread across his handsome chops:¬†“Excellente!¬†Those are the same kicks-as-a-mule beats I listened ta when I wuz your age, kid!”¬†

“Gawd, are you boys gonna be¬†headbanging all the way back to base?”

“Sure, Lex!” Bagel chirped. “Why the ‘eck not?! Wanna dance… babe…?”

“Uff, just a finger-lickin’ minute, here…”¬†Lexi bristled, rising menacingly out of the pilot’s seat.¬†“Just who do you think YOU are calling ‘babe’, Bumfluff…?!”¬†

Of course,¬†the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger¬†had to wade in and settle the dispute:¬†“Now then! Now now! What’s goin’ on ‘ere, now? Then…?¬†Let’s NOT end this adventure wiv anuvva foight, puh-lease!¬†Be cool!

“Lex! Chill, lov.

“Bagel! Manners, puppy…”

Before settling back for the long journey home, your hero relayed a quick message to the Ztodgeztonker:

“ATTENTION, dipwits!

Uh, situation normal groovy.

If ya still want yer Tosspot-In-Chief, I left ‘im on the Garbage Level;¬†the dinner is in the cat; an’ – ah yeah! – I left a Sonic Disruptor in the [CONNECTION LOST]

Thanks fer ‘avin’ me! LOL¬†

CHEERS! 

Deke Wad ūüėČ

X

“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought…”Princess Leia Organa.

BRAD FARTLIGHTER WILL RETURN

 

Norse Mode: The Rough Guide To Thor: Ragnarok

Thank Fudge It’s Thorsday!

This’ll Be SUCH FUN!

“I’m not overly fond of what follows…” – Loki. ¬†

“In a world of portentous blockbusters getting ever darker, it’s a joy to see one throwing on the disco lights.”

And that happened to be just the first review¬†of¬†Thor: Ragnarok –¬†set to be the biggest – and most entertaining – of the solo Thor movies.¬†Here, the Mighty Thor finds himself in a lethal gladiatorial contest against The Hulk, his former ally. The God of Thunder¬†must fight for survival and race against time to prevent the all-powerful HelaGoddess of Death – from destroying¬†Asgard.¬†

In Norse mythology, Ragnarok is translated as Twilight of the Gods. The myth tells of the eventual destruction of the universe and mankind, as well as the deaths of several key figures in Norse Mythology, such as the gods Odin, Thor, Loki, Heimdall et al. 

So…

Billed as a fun and funny, colourful and crazy cosmic caper… Thor: Ragnarok just MIGHT kill off a bunch of main characters?!

Hmm, more than any other Marvel movie, it will be¬†interesting to see how¬†this latest MCU instalment plays with our emotions,¬†as well as juggling with our expectations…

“Hela is the Goddess of Death, and I’ve had incredible fun playing her” – Cate Blanchett.

“Oh, I’ve missed this!”¬†rasps Hela, Goddess of Death, strikingly played by¬†Cate Blanchett.¬†

That could be Brad gleefully uttering that line as it seems ages since we were treated to a blockbuster that turned out to be just an inoffensive, energetic and entertaining slice of escapist fantasy fare. 

As you may have already gathered, Hela is one of my All-Time Fawe Comic Book Characters. She first mesmerised me in a poetic and moving Tales Of Asgard that accompanied The Mighty Thor #314, (Hela Рthe Goddess of Death Рhas wrought havoc in Valhalla, twisting it into the icy foreboding image of her own dreaded kingdom: Niffleheim. Only the bold and sagacious intervention of Odin РRuler of the Gods Рsaves Asgard).

During this past year alone, numerous classic Thor ishs (specifically featuring Hela)¬†have come my way – the depth of her characterisation is astonishing.¬†How far¬†Thor: Ragnarok¬†will delve into her character, and not rely on just malevolent quips and badass fight sequences, remains my primary concern.¬†Visionary director:¬†Taika Waititi¬†(he prefers to be referred to as a visionary director, or better still: “visionist”!)¬†assures us that, as Marvel’s first female movie villain:¬†“Cate has destroyed the idea of your typical villain.”

In the original comics,¬†Hela is Loki’s daughter.¬†Now, bet you all the groats on Sakaar: the makers have twisted this – she’s become Odin’s¬†(disowned) daughter; this, at least, would help explain how she was able, so dramatically in the first Trailer, to catch – and breakMjolnir.¬†(But hey, Lord of Dipwits here managed to guess only 1.5 out of 14 on the¬†Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 Soundtrack¬†so proceed with caution!)

Hela is: “not a queen, or a monster, she’s the Goddess of Death!”

And your correspondent is still so looking forward to seeing how she is brought to life on the big screen!

“Thor finds out much about his family and tries to save his planet and the universe, while overcoming the machinations of a grand funny fun figure such as myself” –¬†Jeff Goldblum

“Hey, Sparkles! Here’s the deal. You wanna get back to As-place? Asberg?”

Yes,¬†Jeff Goldblum – verily, for it is he! –¬†speaks this line while portraying (quite flamboyantly, it has to be said)¬†the Grandmaster,¬†an immortal trickster¬†who maintains control over the populace of¬†Sakaar¬†by giving them a constant fix of gladiatorial games.¬†Sakaar looks like an irresistibly¬†fizzy and candy-colourful addition to the MCU – it’s the sort of galactic world one always wanted to see on the big screen.

The Grandmaster¬†is a villain who stormed into my Marvel collection last year¬†via (reprints of) The Avengers.¬†The storyline in which¬†the Grandmaster¬†transports Earth’s Mightiest Heroes to his¬†arena¬†to fight a team of super-villains: Contest Of Champions,¬†provided the core element of this movie.

You’d think that playing a blue-skinned alien would pose no challenge for Jeff as he has already played one way back in¬†Earth Girls Are Easy (1988);¬†but his Hollywood clout has spared him the ignominy of that daily five-hour make-up job; instead, he sports a snazzy lil blue splodge on his chin.

Just seen a hilarious exclusive clip, concerning the “Lord” of Thunder(!)¬†and it so happens to be¬†Classic Comedy Gold(blum)!¬†Actually, as it turns out,¬†Jeff¬†is quite the “Grandmaster” when it comes to improvisation.¬†Apparently, the majority of his lines ended up being randomly improvised, to the full consent of the director. Forever the visionary.

Jeff “Must Go Faster, Must Go Faster!” Goldblum Forever!¬†

If the rest of his scenes are anything to go by, it sounds like the Power of ROFL will be unleashed!

Let’s hope so! ūüôā

“NO TEAM, ONLY HULK!” –¬†HULK.

And, of course, how could we get through this guide without the big, green fella. After all, this cosmic caper was billed as Thor vs. Hulk. 

Not only did this movie present Chris Hemsworth with the opportunity to refresh the character of Thor,¬†it gave Mark Ruffalo the chance to reinvent the portrayal of the Green Goliath.¬†As we saw in the Trailer, Hulk¬†is allowed to speak a lot more. It seems like he will have more lines in this movie than both Avengers movies put together!¬†Here, we get to see the premise of¬†Planet Hulk –¬†the Incredible one is a champion gladiator on a distant alien planet: in this case it’s Sakaar; it’ll be intriguing to learn how he got there…

Let’s not forget that cameo appearance by the Hulk’s fellow Defender:¬†Doctor Strange.¬†How and where¬†Stephen (the ever-immaculate Benedict Cumberbatch, of course!)¬†will appear in this movie is a particularly perplexing matter –¬†actually the thought of dear Bennybatch being underused here is a slightly disorientating one…¬†

Last, but by oh no means least(!)¬†is¬†that essential¬†Stan Lee¬†cameo. Betcha he’s the Demon Barber of Sakaar – the one who shears the godly Goldilock’s locks! ūüėȬ†

For me, what’s so cool about each movie of¬†the Marvel Cinematic Universe¬†is¬†its boldness in¬†reinvigorating the whole concept of what a comic book movie should look – and feel – like.¬†Kudos to Kevin Feige et al for daring to select the most unexpected talent of¬†visionary director Taika Waititi¬†and allowing him to imbue this unique and harmless 130 mins bundle of fun with the¬†“kind of energy and¬†crazy sort of Flash Gordony-tone that it has.”¬†

Oh yes, get that energy. 

Chris¬†admitted:¬†“This was one of the best experiences I’ve had on a set.¬†We laughed way too much.”

With unanimous positive feedback from the preliminary round of film reviews, it sounds like we will be¬†laughing way too much too…¬†

“I tried to start a revolution… but I didn’t print enough pamphlets!” – Korg.¬†

“Basically what they were saying was like: “We‚Äôre a bit tired of, um, you know, this fish-out-of-water thing with Thor on Earth”, you know? So why not go towards the direction of the comic books from the Seventies and Eighties and have Thor on a cosmic adventure, you know?” –¬†Taika Waititi.¬†

“I‚Äôd loved Iron Man, you know, with a passion. I thought that was the most fresh, cool thing, in terms of superhero movies, that I‚Äôd seen in a long time,” said¬†Taika Waititi,¬†the (visionary) director of¬†Thor: Ragnarok.¬†

“I don‚Äôt know what they were smoking when they were writing those storylines [in the 70s],” he continued,¬†“but they had some pretty wacky ideas in those old comic books.”

With such critically-acclaimed comedies such as¬†What We Do In The Shadows and Hunt For The Wilderpeople,¬†Taika¬†has carved his own¬†pretty wacky niche in movies, so his brand of humour seems well suited to the MCU.¬†And if his helmsmanship was¬†not enough,¬†he did his own motion-capture performance as never-before-seen-on-the-big-screen¬†Korg the Kronan.¬†This rock-skinned supporting character, who made his debut in the Planet Hulk comic, was described by¬†Taika as:¬†“hard on the outside, and gentle like a marshmallow smudged together with daffodils on the inside.”¬†Wow, an alien with a New Zealand accent. Now this is something we need to see… ¬†

Taika also proposed the idea of including Led Zep on the soundtrack:

“I put together a sizzle reel… because there was no storyline, or anything… I don‚Äôt really know what I‚Äôm going for, so I‚Äôll just get shots from movies I think are cool [laughs] – the energy and the colour and sort of what might look cool for this film. And I put Immigrant Song over the top of it, and then played it for them.

“And they were like, “Oh that‚Äôs really cool. That‚Äôs a cool song. What‚Äôs that?”

“I was like, [deadpan] “It‚Äôs Immigrant Song, Led Zeppelin – one of the most famous songs of all time.”

“They were like, ‚ÄúOh cool, never heard it before, very cool.”

“And I was like, “Oh fuck, really worried now.” But from the start we‚Äôd always talked about using Immigrant Song in the film, because it just makes perfect sense for that character, doesn‚Äôt it?”

Aaah, AH,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore. Aaah, AH”¬†

Led Zeppelin РImmigrant Song. 

Valkyrie: “This team of yours, it got a name?”

Thor: “Yeah, it’s called the… uh… Revengers!”

“It was all great stuff to do. I had a ball. I only wish that I’d been in it longer” – Sir Anthony Hopkins.¬†

 

The Merchant Of Menace: Rebel Without A Code Clearance

Twin Suns, Ray Guns And Puerile Puns¬†About¬†Brad’s Buns…

 

This is Episode II in the Firm And Shapely Trilogy you can find Episode I ‘ere:

“What chance do we have? The question is “what choice.” Run, hide, plead for mercy, scatter your forces. You give way to an enemy this evil with this much power and you condemn the galaxy to an eternity of submission. The time to fight is now!” – Jyn Erso. ¬†

 

Well, that escalated quickly!

Despite fighting off¬†Tenko Tash‚Äôvaa’s monologues as well as his goons,

Brad and Lexi¬†remain holed up¬†inside the villain’s headquarters¬†on Wotsit IV in the Midlanoware System.¬†

Time is running out,¬†and there is little hope of ever finding that reckless young spy:¬†Bagel Looney…

But now, across the street, out of the clouds with a deafening drone

descends the most feared and infamous cruiser in the entire Imperial fleet: 

the Zoulzukker!

Kriegzlide Killzquad have arrived…¬†

 

“Getcha lousy biochemech mitts offa me!”¬†Lexi protested as two giant Killzquad gooms seized her and began dragging her out.

Another two grappled with her companion.

“NAH!! Leave ‘er alone!” yelled the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger. “She’s gonna beat the stuffin’ outta yas!”¬†

“Hush urp, Urfmairn!”¬†grumbled¬†Zoltan Zovran –¬†the¬†Kriegzlide psychonaut too deranged even for a regular Shokk Trooper division¬†to manage.¬†The ruffian suddenly raised his¬†Particle Accelerator Lance¬†and jabbed it into the back of the¬†Battleforce Commander’s head.

The squad, and their hostages, emerged onto the hot, crowded street.¬†As half of those milling about – or just hanging around, wasting their Imperial time –¬†consisted of the occupying Zandokan garrison, so Zubizmaar’s lunatics¬†could avoid the hassle of gawping bystanders¬†for a change.

As delirium seeped over him, Brad’s groggy eyes could just about discern¬†a¬†lone, armed Shokk Trooper emerge from the bustling throng¬†and approach the group.¬†With some urgency.

“A chenge uv ordairs, yo lot!” it barked.¬†“Ze Emprah hez infairmed ze Wotzeet Proveencial Offizer¬†zat zeez preeznair be brurt to ze Zentient Towair, een ze Men Zquare,¬†fer ferzair eentairrogation!”¬†

And with that, he forcefully snatched the Earthling. The Killzquad stared uneasily among themselves.

Commander Zmutti Zubizmaar looked the most disbelieving. 

“Hmm… Zoundz laike a lurda covfefe to me, Troopair…”¬†he snarked.¬†“Ve vere zent ‘ere pairzonally by ze Emprah!¬†OUR uddairz come STRET frurm ZAN DOKA IZZELF!¬†Shur me YER uddairz, Troopair!”

“Directeev: Zero-seex-zero-ett – yo ken doneludd eet frum ze men Empeerial Moaneetor…”¬†

As they started to depart,¬†Zubizmaar signalled them to halt:¬†“Troopair! Vot eez yer urpairateenk numbair?”

“ZX2187…”¬†

He raised his blaster at them as they trudged away, crying out:¬†“Two-wun-ett-zeven! Ze Urfzcurm ztayz weev uz! BREENK HEEM BECK ur-”¬†

“Ur whut?!” ZX2187 barked, not stopping, not looking back…¬†“Yo vood shoot en Empeerial Troopair een ze beck…?!”

“‘Twood NUT be ze firzt tem, fool… Geev our preeznair beck, KNOW!”¬†

“C-come urn, Earthman, murve!” the Trooper muttered nervously as he nudged your hero in the back.

As this unlikely pair wandered off down the street, the Killzquad watched in bewilderment. 

“Vell, ZEEZ wuz NUT een ze zcripp…”¬†Commander Zmutti¬†Zubizmaar¬†stood akimbo, shaking his repulsive head:¬†“Yo ‘ombrez! Tek ze gell ta ze sheep –¬†Zoreen! Follair zem! Ve durn’t dare lewz NEIZAIR uv zeez deepweetz!” ¬†

Zoreen Zeegazeeg – a ruthless spy/assassin in his own right – stepped forth.

“‘Tweel be may genueen pleazure, zah!”¬†

And before anyone could cue some suitably dramatic music, he had vanished into the crowd…

Strangely, Trooper ZX2187 looked anxious, glancing every which way before nudging Brad into a narrow alley.

Your hero frowned in confusion:¬†“…’Ere, ‘ang abaht… yer goin’ the wrong way…”¬†

“No, we’re not! In ‘ere, quick!”

At that moment, they barged into an empty hovel halfway down one side. Brad spun round to watch the Trooper remove his helmet and reveal not a green-skinned Imperial grunt, but:  

“Bless me blueberry muffins! BAGEL!”

“Shoosh, Commander!¬†Ya wanna let everybody know where we are…?!”

“The longer we’re here, the less luck we’re gonna have…” –¬†Han Solo.

“Too short for a Shokk Trooper?”¬†Brad Fartlighter¬†muttered cynically, massaging his sore bonce.

“Huh? Shucks, man, done pret’y well up until now…”

“‘Ave ya really, kid? Jeez, wanna know the reason why I didn’ pounce on ya jus’ now?¬†Ya said:¬†“Earthman,” instead¬†o’¬†“Urfmairn”…!”

“Did I…?! Fudge… ‘Sfunny, there may ‘ave been some slip-ups earlier; it’s gettin’ well dodgy – I reckon some o’ the Shokk Troopers’ve kinda sussed me aht… Ya gotta ship? I’m itchin’ ta get offa this rock!”¬†

“Not so fast, Lil Itch – we ain’t goin’ nowhere jus’ yet!¬†Those¬†Kriegzlide goons¬†‘ave snatched me Second Officer –¬†ya’d bet’er polish yer accent ‘cos we’re¬†gonna¬†break inta the Zoulzukker an’ get ‘er th blazes aht¬†before they can get ta the muvvaship!”

“‘Er?! Yer Second Officer’s a woman?!”

“Whoa, a gold star fer keepin’ oop, Bright Eyes! She came all this way ta getcha back – an’ now both of us ‘ave ta get ‘er back!”

“You came ‘ere ta get me an’ all?”

“Nah, I came ta keep me eye on ‘er-“

“Well, you’re doin’ a fine an’ dandy job o’ THAT!”¬†

“An’ whose fault wuz that then, fella?! Cos o’ you, dipwit, I’m further from Lexi than I’d like! I’m gonna need me own Shokk Trooper’s togs ta pull this ruse orf – we’ll ‘ave ta coax one of ’em in ‘ere…!”

“Easy peasy,¬†Commander be back in a jiffy…”

“BAGEL…?!”

And with that, the reckless Rebel wandered off up to the main street; just two minutes later, in burst a suitably perplexed Shokk Trooper. 

Brad¬†waved and chirped:¬†“‘Iya, amigo! ‘Ow ya doin’? Got any Doritos on ya…?”

The next minute, Bagel wandered in to see Brad standing over the fallen felon, extracting its armour. 

“I shudder ta think, kid: what did ya say ta this nerk?”

“Simple: ‘If ya wanna catch the Wanted cake-lovin’¬†Brad Fartlighter,¬†come wi’ me’…!”

“You…!” Brad¬†gasped, then chortled: “You’re a crafty lil nerk, Bagel, I’ll givya tha’… sheesh!”¬†

Suddenly, he grabbed said crafty lil nerk by the collar, and retorted:¬†“JEEZ, kid!¬†Ya’ve REALLY dropped me buns in the fire NOW! Outta ORL’A goons ya coulda brought in ‘ere, ya HADTA¬†pick aht ol’ Zeeg? One of the most demented bunnies I’ve EVAH run inta! DAHN’T need this – ya KNOW I’ve ALREADY got an ‘eadache…”

“SOZ, Commander, but- but ‘ow wuz I supposed ta know…?!”

The Commander¬†loosened his grip, and replied gently:¬†“Yeah…¬†‘ow… were ya¬†supposed ta know… Too late, we’re in deep, now – ‘elp me wiv these boots, will ya?¬†(This is the part abaht bein’ an ‘ero I detest the most: takin’ other fellas’ clobber orf).¬†C’mon, kid,¬†we’ve got an appointment wiv¬†da¬†Killzquad¬†ta keep!”

While Brad nonchalantly scanned up and down the street, counting Imperial sentries, working out their next plan of action, Bagel stared in such a befuddled state at the Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger.

“Are we really doing this?!” whispered Bagel.

“We’re gonna do this!” whispered Brad.¬†

“Congratulations. You are being rescued. Please do not resist” – K-2SO.¬†

“How’d ya end up ‘ere, Bagel?!”

“Bah! Got shot dahn by a Zkorpion – thought it best ta infiltrate the Shokk ranks – tha’s ‘ow I’ve managed ta stay undetected fer so long-“

“Too darn roight¬†ya were undetected, ya dozy donut! We all thought we’d lost ya altagevvah…!”

“Soz, Commanderme transmit-piece got busted when I bailed outta me crate. An’ I aven’t ‘ad the opp ta fangle a way ta send any signal back ta the Resistance.¬†Reckoned I oughtta… take on the Empire all by meself-“

“An’ worsen the situation fer th rest ovuz?! If – IF – I can getcha back ta base in one piece, the General’s probly gonna rip ya ta shreds ‘imself¬†anyway!”¬†

“What, Rajendra…?! ‘E wouldn’t! Get ‘is first name: “Ajaan”: tha’s the¬†Yanduri word for ‘teacher.’ From what I’ve ‘eard, ‘e’s a mild-mannered… placid fella… … in’e…?”

Brad¬†clasped the lad’s shoulder¬†and jigged it a lil.

“Lissen oop:¬†so ya got away wivvit… but sheesh, man!¬†That wuz more reckless than anythin’ I got upta when I wuz yer age!¬†An’ tha’s sayin’ some’t…!¬†Be cool, Bagel – when we get back… when I meet Raj, I’ll tell ‘im tha’-“

“You DAHN’T know ‘im eivver?! What chance do I ‘ave?!”

“Shoosh, Bagel. COOLIO. Nah mat’er ‘ow it turns aht, I’ll¬† stick up fer ya.¬†Trust me…”

“Cheers, Commander…¬†but ‘ow the blazes are we gonna bust inta the Kriegzlide crate an’ get yer Officer¬†back,¬†Mr. ‘Ligh’er, if ya please?¬†An’… an’ what if they take off before we can reach ’em?!”¬†

“Na worries, kid! That Zkorpion I nabbed in order ta get ‘ere –¬†wipe me cake crumbs offa the passenger seat an’ we’ll be jus’ fine an’ dandy.”¬†

“Yeah, but…! But wha’ abaht the Clearance Code?! ‘Ow can we gain our own access to the muvvaship wivaht one?!¬†‘Ow – where – are we gonna get THAT?!”

“Uff, cobblers ta the Code, kid!¬†Seems like the only reason why these Imperial dipwits ‘ave rules is so that¬†Brad¬†can break ’em… We’ll find a way – I always do… …”

“Well, somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage, fly-boy!” –¬†Princess Leia Organa.

“…Ya ougtta know the most important thing I’ve picked up while ‘angin’ aht dahn ‘ere¬†– but I dunno ‘ow ta break it to ya,”¬†Bagel huffed¬†indignantly as they marched back into the main street, their Imperial togs gleaming in the intense rays¬†of the twin suns.¬†“…The Empire ‘ave upgraded their biochemech armour, so ‘elp us.¬†Notice ‘ow these new bods wear slightly darker suits… ligh’er, but thicker…¬†Pret’y soon, blasters are gonna ‘ave little to NAH effect on ’em…”

“Blazes…”¬†the¬†Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger¬†muttered, dreading how all this cosmic gubbins was escalating.¬†“…An’ it’s only Imperial blasters that we can find ta arm the Resistance.¬†Tha’s some’t else we’ll ‘ave ta¬†deal wiv- Gah, dash it all!”

The vicinity of the Zoulzukker positively crawled with Shokk Troopers as they peered round the corner; Bagel threw his hands in the air with despair:

“Whoa! We’re in a tight spot-“

“Oh really? You’re tight?!¬†Shame ol’ Zeegazeeg wuz a wimpy sprat ‘is armour ain’ ‘arf pressin’ me buns!¬†An’- OOF! Me pecs are posi’ively ‘EAVIN’ in this blasted breastplate!”

“Aow, quit whinin’,¬†Commander.¬†It- say! Guess that physique’s why the girls back at base keep talkin’ abou’cha…”

“Do they? Groovy…”

“Everybod’ don’ call ya a groovy galactic ‘ero fer nuthin’, eh…? D’ya work aht?”

“Nah. No need, kid. Got bit’en by a radioactive chipmunk…”

“Did ya…?!”

“Course, bleedin’ o’ course I work aht! Whatcha think?! Fer goodness sake, flamin‚Äô Nora‚Ķ Don’t wanna be mistaken fer a donut like Zeeg in these dark times-“

“Yeah yeah…”¬†the younger fella drawled sarcastically.

Brad leaned across and rapped his knuckles against¬†Bagel’s¬†helmet:¬†“No, seriously: be STRONG: that means MENTAL, as well as physical, fella! So, if ya got some’t¬†inside there, WORK IT!¬†Blimey,¬†if ya’d used yer wits before an’ ‘ADN’T carried aht that dumbass raid on the¬†Ztodgeztonker,¬†we WOULDN’T be in this mess NOW…!”¬†

Suddenly, a typically rasping Zandokan voice from across the street blared out:

“ZHERE ZEY AIR! Shoot ze zhirt wun, but ze ‘unky wun eez NUT to be ‘armed!”

Shokk Troopers dashed in from all sides, blasters blazing.

“‘Ere, tha’s bang OUT’A order! Frickin’ charmin’, THAT is!”¬†the short one protested, blasting back,¬†but the hunky one¬†grabbed his reckless companion and dragged him away from the action.¬†

“Quit whinin’,¬†Bagel! Ya see… ya SEE?!¬†These tosspots are seriously dischuffed at what YOU did…”

After¬†a few frantic yards of scarpering as fast as their biochemech-clad legs could carry them,¬†the spy¬†scowled at your hero:¬†“‘Ere… ‘old on!¬†I wuz only copyin’¬†what YOU did…¬†Commander!¬†‘Ow is it tha’ YOU get ac’olades, an’ I just get grief?!”¬†

“‘Cos I’m a PERFESSIONAL idiot! Cut the chat’er, kid – we got’a split!”¬†

And these blast points, too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise…” – Ben Kenobi.

“AHA! Ze Burrito end Bagel!”¬†Zoltan Zovran¬†cried as he crept up behind the two leads, wielding THAT particularly nasty¬†Particle Accelerator Lance.¬†“Ze two murzt repreehenzible Oomanz in ze galaxy een may clutchez!”¬†

“Now now, nerk!”¬†Brad¬†waved a steady hand at the¬†Kriegzlide madman, and protested:¬†“Ya already bopped me over th ‘ead wiv that bloomin’ thing – ta do it twice would be careless…”

“Votzamattair, Urfmairn,¬†expect mercy…?¬†Kriegzlide Killzquad durn’t knur ze meaning uv ze verd…¬† heh¬†heh¬†heh!”¬†he snarled, aiming his weapon right at¬†Brad.

“‘Old on jus’ a finger-lickin’ minute, ‘ere! I’m the ‘ero – ya can’t bamp me orf, not like that!”¬†

“Uv courze…! Egen, Bred, yo air ebzolutely raight. Ze Emprah weejez to zee yo…”

Zoltan gradually swung the weapon at Bagel

“‘EE eez ze eccurzed ZPY! ‘Ee’ll do!”

Out of a piercingly-loud, deadly flash,¬†Bagel¬†yelped and fell limp into the Battleforce Commander-turned-blogger’s arms.

“Ah, Jeez…! Stay wiv me, kid… …”

As your forlorn hero collapsed to the ground, clutching the lad in his trembling arms, a brood of Zandokan guards ran over to encircle him. Without warning, they proceeded to pummel the poor dude viciously with their lances and rifles.

“WETT! DOLTZ! Zat eez ze gret Zan Doka’z prize! ‘E muzt NUT – Ay reppit: NUT – be ‘armed! BECK URF!” ¬†

Commander Zmutti¬†Zubizmaar¬†strode nonchalantly in, and – seeing¬†Zoltan posing triumphantly, and the prize captive hunched dejectedly on the ground –¬†couldn’t resist wandering over to have a quick gloat.¬†He squatted, and squeezed the crestfallen Earthman’s throat.

“Heh heh,¬† wunce murr, yo aire BEATEN, “galacteec heeeruh”! Aah…¬†Bred, Bred, Bred….”

Having stared too long at the¬†still-crackling¬†blast point on the young Rebel’s right pec,¬†the Cakecharmer looked up with teary eyes, shaking the¬†Kriegzlide Commander’s hand away, and defiantly muttered:

“I’m the one in da middle, ya drunken ‘obo!”¬†

“HA…! Zteel curzed wiv zat eenfairnal “Oomarn zpeeret.” Zad…”¬†

“Whut aboat zeez wun…?”¬†Zoltan chirped, prodding Bagel’s still body with his boot.

“Nur, leaf eet – zeez planet payz foolz ta remurve feelth frurm ze ztreetz…¬†Ve hef ze wun ve need – yez… Bred, ve¬†hef yo exactly vhere yo jhood be: URN YER KNEEEZ! Broken, helplezz, hopelezz…¬† UZELEZZ…!¬†Bred ta ze burne – NUR MURR!¬†Vot duzzeet feeeel laike to be a LEWZAH, tweetfez…?”

“They say it’s difficult at first, but I’m sure a big, Imperial jackass like you will soon get the ‘ang of it-“

“Uff…”¬†the Commander¬†grumbled, and shot back onto his feet.¬†“Yo ‘ombrez! Poot zeez comedien aburd ze¬†Zoulzukker…¬†

“Ve VEEL tek heem ZTRET TA ZE EMPRAH KNOW!!… …”¬†

 

Luke Skywalker:¬†“I’m endangering the mission, I shouldn’t have come…”

 

The Power Of Warlock: The Golden Boy Of Counter-Earth

Adam And The Angst…

“Do you feel it? The sheer, awful agony…? For, uncanny your sacred mission… unearthly your weirdling powers… And, beholding them, men shall call you Warlock!”¬† – The High Evolutionary.¬†

By Thanos!

How difficult can it be these days to actually complete and Publish a single Blog Post?! Very, as it turned out.

The latest comics round-up is proving to be an arduous task; perhaps a movie review would help, but… of what?¬†Nothing outstanding enough to entice me into the nearest popcorn parlour; and you were treated to a music compilation¬†in my last Post,¬†so – what to do?!

“Why?! Why have the fates so conspired against me?”¬†

No, these are not my words (not like me to despair, by Jove!!) but a quote from that other misunderstood blond hunk: Adam Warlock Рa golden-skinned red-clad figure with the most voluminous cloak in comic book history. 

Yes,¬†in a higgledy-piggledy roundabout¬†way, my concentration somehow locked onto a cosmic fella borne through the stars… in a cocoon.¬†Weirder things have come to pass on this site (but none come to mind as yet).¬†Adam holds a particular fascination for me, primarily because he is¬†one of the¬†Marvel canon’s more¬†unusual¬†characters.

You probably don’t know anything¬†about him,¬†other than his suggested appearance in¬†Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3.¬†This is understandable.¬†From a certain point of view, his obscurity has lent to his status as a cult figure¬†within the Marvel pantheon.

My 200th Post(!) – rapidly approaching! – will feature a Countdown of:

My All-Time Fave Comic Book Characters

so considered it best to practice by compiling a Profile on this enigmatic subject. 

Notice (above) the distinctive style of Jack Kirby (what would have been his 100th birthday this past week was honoured by the comics industry and various bloggers) and see what happens when Gil Kane gets hold of this cosmic character (below):

“Don’t be afraid!! I will stay with you! I have known another like you – one who is also powerful… but who needs understanding… and compassion! For the sake of the love I feel for him… I will not desert you!”¬† – Sue Storm.¬†

In the beginning,¬†Adam Warlock¬†was known merely as “HIM,” and treated as a Messianic figure.¬†Just like trying to pinpoint how/where the fascinati0n of this¬†character lies,¬†so¬†attempting to work out those responsible for created him poses a particularly perplexing nitscratcher…

While one source states that the 1st appearance of Him¬†can be seen in¬†Fantastic Four #66 (February 1966 – written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby),¬†another states that his full debut sgould be attributed to¬†The Mighty Thor #165-166 (June‚ÄďJuly 1969).¬†However! As soon as Roy Thomas and¬†Gil Kane¬†collaborated on the first issues of¬†Marvel Premiere¬†(culminating in the first issues of¬†The Power¬†of¬†Warlock)¬†then the character received proper development.

The High Evolutionary:¬†“a tormented man-god experimenting in ways so cosmic and radical as to threaten his sanity,” creator of the animal-headed New Men,¬†including¬†Man-Beast –¬†his most unruly progeny (and one of the few vividly-remembered supporting characters from my earliest comic-guzzling days!)¬†finds an extraordinary objecta giant cocoon – picked up within range of his space-scanning Scopitron

Apart from “ultra-strength, paranormal reflexes and the power of levitation,”¬†Adam’s most potent weapon is the vampire Soul Gem, encrusted in his forehead –¬†that’s right – it’s the one¬†Infinity Stone¬†we are yet to see in the MCU!

 

warlock-11-chapter-5-inbetweener

The Magus: “You planned all this, didn’t you…? Warlock wiping out my forces… rushing him inyo the time stream before he could truly realize what he’s about to do… it was all planned!¬†

“WHY?!”¬†

Thanos: “Because you are a creature of chaos and order… purpose… LIFE! So, being a creature of vast power, you may some day oppose that which I worship! For I am a dreamer of tranquillity… non-purpose…

“DEATH!”

Adam‘s solo series,¬†The Power¬†of¬†Warlock first appeared in (August) 1972 –¬†“devoted to the superhero your letters have proclaimed the most unique in the history of comix!”

#10 (1975)¬†is a mesmerising – albeit difficult to track down – classic (in every sense of this grossly overused label.) Here,¬†Roy Thomas and¬†Gil Kane¬†bring the cosmic man Earth, where he is discovered by a group of teens.¬†While¬†The High Evolutionary¬†named him “Warlock,”¬†so these kids call him “Adam.”¬†It is during this series where both epithets become fused into the name by which he’s thenceforth identified.

The writer/artist with which Adam Warlock is most synonymous happens to be Jim Starlin, who once related how he took this Messianic figure and made him complicated(!) With The Power of Warlock #10 (1975) he created a quite excellent Рnot to mention distinctive Рform of Bronze Age awesomeness. Part 1 of How Strange My Destiny is a brilliant Рif not bonkers Рcosmic adventure (reviewed here)

#11 (February 1976)¬†sees our hero: “caught between dark insanity and yet darker reality.”¬†Part 2 –¬†only obtained during this past fortnight! –¬†provides an intriguing and inventive¬†continuation of this classic saga. More psychedelic than¬†Doctor Strange (even on his most trippy dimension-bending shenanigans!)¬†this ish is mesmerizingly illustrated.

The archenemy is¬†the Magus: Adam’s future self(!)¬†and there is a thrilling showdown between The Magus¬†and¬†Thanos¬†who maintains that the Magus can only be destroyed by imploring Adam to destroy himself(?!) hence the title of ish #11:¬†The Strange Death of¬†Adam Warlock…

“You’ve proven yourself a true Warlock. I’ve attacked you with agents of earth, water, fire and air. Yet you’ve survived, for you are truly a master of such things, and so a foe to be reckoned with. That alone is reason enough that you should die… Therefore,¬†Warlock, prepare to be… WHAT!? AGAIN HE’S…

GONE!”

РStar Thief. 

“Your abduction of a portion of my soul caused me great pain,¬†Warlock…¬†Now you shall share that suffering!” – Fire Giant.

Paid double what is usually doled out for¬†these mags,¬†but¬†Warlock #14 (August 1976) Homecoming¬†(Why is every other morsel of mighty Marvel mayhem called¬†Homecoming…?!)¬†is well worth every satang.

Adam must confront an entity known as Star Thief (the astral projection of an incurable invalid on Earth). In the depths of space, Adam fends off whatever psychic force Star Thief conjures against him, whether it be a flock of club-wielding winged demons, a Fire Giant and even a shark By The Great Nebula! Рa great white shark chases Adam across the stars!

This far-out adventure does look very familiar…

These later ishs of¬†The Power¬†of Warlock¬†were reprinted in (of all things!)¬†Marvel UK’s Star Wars Weekly (1978);¬†this MAY be the source of my discovery of this character (although they would not have entered my air(head)space until 1979 or 1980…)

Whatever caused this title’s premature demise – cancelled after only fifteen ishs –¬†The Power¬†of Warlock¬†has (deservedly) attained cult status; fortunately, four of them – against seemingly high odds (and almost astronomical prices) –¬†have reached my collection.

“I have come for the emerald gem that throbs at your brow, golden one. Men call me¬†The Stranger! Though I alteady have acquired one such gem, I covet them all!” –¬†The Stranger.¬†

“Listen, Goldy, you seem pretty handy with the Star Trek bit! How’s about¬†a lift back to Earth? I don’t have any change in my tights, but I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday…” –¬†Spider-Man.

Since the far-too-premature carcellation of his own title,¬†Adam Warlock¬†managed to make some unlikely cameos in other series.¬†This¬†most extraordinary cosmic character could not be any further diametrically opposed to¬†your¬†friendly, neighbourhood wallcrawler,¬†and yet, incredibly,¬†Marvel Team-Up #55 (March 1977)¬†saw them (what else?) team up…

Adam Warlock, pencilled by the great¬†John Byrne,¬†seemed like an irresistible treat.¬†And it most certainly is!¬†Finding himself marooned on the¬†Blue Area of the Moon,¬†Spidey¬†must do battle with¬†The Stranger –¬†a formidable cosmic villain, who made several threatening appearances during the¬†Bronze Age.

A particularly bizzare prevalence during¬†tke ’90s involved resurrecting¬†classic comic characters.¬†Adam Warlock¬†was lumped into this category.

Out of curiosity,¬†#2 (March 1992) of¬†Warlock And The Infinity Watch¬†made its way into my shopping trolley.¬†My fascination with comics soon wore off in the early 90s as most mainstream titles¬†became more moronic,¬†and this ish is no exception.¬†Almost miraculously,¬†Jim Starlin¬†returned to manage the script, but he is let down by the cartoonish style¬†of¬†Angel Medina’s pencils – nope, not heard of him either…

Reappearances by¬†Gamora and Pip¬†fail against the derisory treatment of¬†Drax,¬†and Moondragon’s¬†cameo is wasted.¬†

SHAME…

warlock-adams-cocoon

“I think I will call him Adam” – Ayesha.¬†

Now, despite being dropped from Guardians Vol. 2,¬†we can see Adam’s cocoon in The Collector’s Trophy Room during¬†Vol. 1.¬†

Just when we can gladly expect the golden fella to grace¬†Vol. 3,¬†news that he is NOT expected to debut in next year’s Avengers: Infinity War¬†is nothing short of BEWILDERING.¬†Infinity War,¬†Infinity Watch – you name it, Adam has played major roles in these comics to this end. Heck,¬†to my knowledge, he’s the ONLY being powerful enoughother than¬†Thanos –¬†to have actually wielded the¬†Infinity Gauntlet!¬†

And – as you have learntAdam possesses the Soul Gem, so he has GOT to play an integral part… surely?!¬†Yours truly loves the MCU as much as you, but its liberties with story-lines are beginning to annoy me…

Once upon a time,¬†it would have seemed really cool to watch my fave comic characters on the big screen,¬†but now…

With knowledge that Adam will become part of th MCU, this news only instils unease within me; primarily, who will play him?

Who can play him…?

Personally, it would be really¬†groovy¬†to see him portrayed by¬†Kevin Bacon¬†(tying in neatly with that snazzy ref to the legend that is Footloose¬†in the first movie), but it will most likely be some-pop-singer-or-equally-cretinous-pop-nerk…¬†and besides, NOBODY gives a fudge what¬†Brad¬†thinks anyway…

*

Of course,¬†¬†this has been just an Overview of¬†Adam Warlock –¬†a more extensive expedition must set out to discover some of those obscure¬†Strange Tales¬†back ishs and that significant plotline from¬†The Mighty Thor #165-166 (June‚ÄďJuly 1969)¬†and other Kane/Starlin classics¬†from the Power¬†of Warlock¬†series, leading to a more concise character study prior to the release of¬†Vol. 3.¬†

Once again, APOLOGIES for such a delayyyyed Post, but Рtrust me Рthe other stuff frantically battered out this past fortnight has fallen waaaay short of my usual mega standards. 

Perhaps Brad needs an extended break from blogging…?

In one ish, Adam Warlock himself voiced my own thoughts so eloquently: 

“My period as this reality’s Supreme Being has been a shattering experience.¬†I fared poorly as a divine entity.¬†I am in dire need of solitude in order to regenerate my spirit and strength.

“This is how it must be. I am sorry. ¬†

“Farewell until we meet again…”

Pip The Troll: “What say we go on down to Mama Alpha’s? I’ll buy you a mug of Ambrosian Wine... and treat myself to a Stinger and a reversed bowl of grud!”

Adam Warlock: “Let’s go have that drink, Pip! I could use it!”

 

Electric Dreams II: The Return Of Retrowave

New Ways, New Ways, I Dream Of Wires

“My only exposure to electronic music before this had been Kraftwerk, but they were always trying to be machine-like…¬†Then The Human League came along and their music had a human feel to it. It worked for me” –¬†Gary Numan.

“One of my friends told me how genius it was that at the start of Cars [1979] there is just one note that stays and stays and stays,” recalled affable high-flying Electro Overlord¬†Gary Numan.¬†I had to break it to them that when I was in the studio I started playing the first note and couldn‚Äôt think what to do next. I wasn‚Äôt a genius at all, just bereft of ideas.”

Ha! Such a self-effacing Overlord.

He paved the way for the innovative New Wave electronic pop outfits of the ’80s,¬†who,¬†in turn, have helped influence¬†the¬†current music genre¬†guaranteed to lift my spirits:¬†Retrowave, aka Synthwave.

Can’t go wrong wth a roster of retro vibes.

Thus, this selection includes just some of the audio pleasures to have sustained me during the last few weeks of alternating levels of creativity. Compiling the first instalment of this series turned out to be such a blast so this further indulgence was in order. Would like to think that you can find some gems in this collection that can inspire your writing too.

What better way to begin than with¬†Miami Vice:¬†the epitome of class ’80s TV.

Crockett is a consistently good Retrowave artist –¬†and¬†knows how to set the right mood when my writing kicks in –¬†in fact, one or two of his tracks have single-handedly inspired pieces of my fiction!

With this vid, all me groovy ’80s small screen memories come flooding back; you’re watching and all of a sudden – @ 00:38:¬†BAM!¬†there they are:¬†Crockett and Tubbs – woo-hoo!! The boys are back in town! Together in Electric Dreams…?

“…I was always convinced that electronic music wasn’t just another genre; it was a different way of¬†approaching the composition and production of music. It was¬†about the idea that music is not only made up of notes and harmonies, but could be made with sound…” – Jean Michel Jarre. ¬†

There are a least three YouTube channels constantly loading new material on a daily base; the quality and diversity on increasing offer  is simply breathtaking Рa mighty fine accompaniment to my working and creative sessions.

Such a gem starts off sounding akin to one of¬†John Carpenter’s¬†more creepy¬†movie scores before transmogrifyng into something by¬†Gary Numan.

Surely, that is high praise, indeed? 

This is glorious: 

I have heard the music of the future – don’t look for anything else” – Brian Eno.¬†

Cosmic!

Not only one of the most scrumptious words in the English language, it always presents a mighty fine and dandy excuse to explore the good stuff Рand escape from the bad. 

Synthwave is the only genre producing the kind of spacebound sounds that help Brad achieve just that.

From Turboslash to Turbo Knight –¬†let’s face it:¬†it’s these ecstatic moments of beautiful symmetry that keep bringing you back to¬†Bradscribe.

Isn’t it?¬†

This track is accompanied by some¬†Japanese anime –¬†always expect the unexpected on this site!

LOVE the deeeep intro to this – far out, man…

“…I went back to the big, original Moog and did everything¬†electronicallyIn a computer. In ’77… I suppose I helped modernise the sound of pop…” – Giorgio Moroder.¬†

“I get credit for being a pioneer,” Numan continued.¬†“But you open a door and it allows other people who have got great ideas to come through and take it even further. You hear other people doing things and you think: That‚Äôs great!‚Äô”

Well, what an amazing door.

Even better – heartening, even – to know that¬†a¬†considerable range of¬†talented auteurs of audio awesomeness¬†have seized the opp to not only¬†revive ’80s’ pop vibes, but draw upon that decade’s eclectic mix of SF movies (and their soundtracks!), videos and other media to create these retro-wonders.¬†

This week, one of my more intelligible spam Comments (for one of my comic reviews, of all things) read: 

“Built-in grooves to connect numerous units together.”

Yes, that is all it said…

Would like to think that some really snazzy built-in grooves have been assembled here for your enjoyment this evening.

This is another Synthwave artist who can do no wrong @ th mo – there’s no ace like HOME:¬†

Something new was in the air with electronic sounds. We were a younger generation. We came up with different textures” – Ralf Hutter (Kraftwerk).¬†

“It all began, appropriately enough, in¬†science fiction,” wrote¬†Jon Savage,¬†in a blisteringly¬†compelling exploration – published five years ago –¬†of the development of electronic music.¬†

He went on to confirm a personal belief held for some time that:¬†“…the possibility of other worlds –¬†and the transformation achieved of leaving this one –¬†is a sure-fire way of abstracting from any problems that one¬†has on this Earth…”

At this point my text rambles into something utterly profound – but hey! – it’s getting late, and¬†everyone¬†just wants to party.

Don’t¬†they…?¬†

“…Annnd it’s half past groovy – you’re listening to Bradscribe FM, beaming LIVE from the Cosmic Cakery across¬†the¬†Outer Rim Territories –¬†playing the platters that matter on the station¬†where the fun never stops!

“Get on the good foot, pop-pickers!”

“…On the wall back there is a black panel. Blinky yellow light. You see it? There’s a quarnex battery behind it. Purplish box. Green wires. To get into that watch tower, I definitely need it…

“I got one plan, and that plan requires this frickin’ quarnex battery, so FIGURE IT OUT!” – Rocket Raccoon.¬†

And if this Third Rock From The Sun is all too much, you can always escape with Brad into some right snazzy realms of the imagination.

Where else in the blogosphere can you jump at such a chance?

As far as the universe is concerned,¬†we¬†are but fleeting and randomly assembled collections of energy and matter, forever foraging for greater meaning in our lives…

(Aha! Told you he was going to slip something hi-brow in…)

The cute but courageousScribe may NOT hold all the unswers ye seek, but what DOES matter¬†is that we don’t waste what precious little energy we have.

Sweet dreams…

“Keep your ‘lectric eye on me, babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah!”
David Bowie.