Truffle Shuffle!: It Took Me Only 33 Years To Finally Watch The Goonies

Goonies Never Say Die!

Irene Walsh: “Pants and shirts go in the… oh, forget about it. Just throw everything into cardboard boxes. Clark, can you really translate all that?”

Mouth: “For sure, Mrs. Walsh. [in Spanish] The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.”

As someone who lived through – and thoroughly enjoyed – the 80s, it is baffling how one of its decade-defining movies has hidden from me for so long. 

Seeing how 80s pop music and Retrowave have made triumphant returns to my playlist lately – and there is no joy to be had compiling my latest comics Post – the urge to do another nostalgic deely-bobber-Curly-Wurly-Chopper-ridin’ Post is naturally, overwhelming. 

So now would be an ideal time to review this cult classic. 

Remember seeing the poster in the video rental store; and can recall a girl from school claiming this to b the greatest movie ever made. 

In a bid to save their home from being demolished, Mikey, and his older brother Brand (not Brad, unfortunately – aow! opportunity missed right there) and their other misfit friends set out to find One-Eyed Willie’s treasure. 

This marked the debut of Josh Brolin, who – after Avengers: Infinity War and Deadpool 2 last year – is hot right now, so it was particularly interesting to see how he began his film career. Also, other younglings included Sean Astin, now more famous to have starred in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, the Chinese kid from Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom, and the then-ubiquitous Corey Feldman (let’s be honest, if he wasn’t available, this film would not have been made! 😉 )

Despite its fervent fan following, The Goonies has never been shown on British terrestrial TV.

Until this Christmas of course.

This is actually directed by Richard (Superman, Lethal Weapon) Donner. Although Spielberg is credited as just Executive Producer here, this movie overflows with his stylistic and kid-centred trademarks.

Yes, within the opening ten minutes, this viewer was hooked. We instantly get to know what this gang are like, what they are (in)capable of, and – guess what? – unlike some other buddy movies, you quickly feel compelled to actually care about what happens to these guys.

It’s a great introductory scene – already re-watched it countless times! – and one that needed to be put up here:

goonies-1985-mikey-with-1-eyed-willy

Stef: “Data, where are you going?”

Data: “I’m setting booty traps.”

Stef: “You mean booby traps?”

Data: “That’s what I said! BOOBY TRAPS! God, these guys!”

If there’s one thing that Brad really digs in an adventure movie, then it just has to be boobytraps, and The Goonies is loaded with some really wicked contraptions! 

And you really can’t go wrong with a pirate’s treasure plotline, plus a groovy shot of Willie’s skeletal crew still in situ, all seated around a banqueting table. Half-expected them to rise up to clank and chase the Goonies around the decks! But this sounds like Pirates of The Caribbean could do with a re-watch… 😉

Crucially, it’s tough trying to find this degree of (entertaining!) thrills, energy – and vibes –in any other movie.

The gripes are (thankfully) few:

Please spare me those turkeys: the Fratelli brothers (Robert Davi and Joe Pantoliano). Evil henchmen who turn out to be bumbling cretins has to be Hollywood’s most overused trope – it’s certainly the most tiresome; can’t recall any movie (from the last thirty years alone) in which such “characters” actually worked. 

Sloth –  that other Fratelli brother locked away in the cellar – may have his fans, but his inclusion seemed to be a tad unnecessary. Perhaps his grotesque visage dissuaded me from watching The Goonies back in the day? Is it just me, or does accentuating such a disfigured individual for comedic purposes make for uncomfortable viewing…?

This point – and those brothers – could have dropped my Rating to 3-stars. 

Perhaps parts of the dialogue don’t work. Thought there would be more quotable one-liners herein. Some of the gags aren’t laughable as they ought to be and the cracks not wise enough, but at least this show more than makes up for this personal niggle with visual tricks and treats aplenty.  

And probably the action does descend to noisy and shambolic levels towards the end, but then again, it’s a sign that yours truly really has outgrown this brand of adolescent tomfoolery.

Or has he…? 😉

goonies-1985-1520

Andy: “I can’t tell… if it’s an “A sharp” or if it’s a “B flat”!”

Mikey: “Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we’ll all “B flat!””

Don’t worry:

this dude is not going to bang on about how they don’t make ’em like they used to, but The Goonies perfectly illustrates why its wild and rollicking formula worked back then. And why such adventure films are never made nowadays (and even if they were, they wouldn’t work anyway).

One scene in particular (you can watch it below!) best exemplifies this:

Following their plunge down a water slide, the Goonies emerge in a cavern to discover One-Eyed Willie‘s pirate ship. If this movie was made now, that ship would have been CGed by a horde of animators: no magic, no wonder; in 1985, this huge plot-device came specially painstakingly constructed. and only for just a fleeting glimpse shot! 

Gawd, such practicalities are what makes this 80s stuff endure. (And what current movie-makers have neglected to heed). Having finally watched it once, will Brad watch this 1985 thrill-ride again?

Oh yes. 

Somewhere, somehow – hopefully some time soon it will be great to “hang out” with that cheeky, crazy, but irresistibly groovy bunch known as the Goonies once more – oh, what the hey! – or a few times more.

A few more truffle shuffles won’t hurt…

God, these guys! 😉

 

BRADSCRIBE VERDICT: 

“This is ridiculous. It’s crazy. I feel like I’m babysitting, except I’m not getting paid”

 

goonies-1985-poster

Francis Fratelli: “Hey, kid! I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything!”

Chunk: “Everything?”

Francis Fratelli: “Everything.”

Chunk: “Everything. OK, I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!”

22 thoughts on “Truffle Shuffle!: It Took Me Only 33 Years To Finally Watch The Goonies

    • Thanks Ash!
      This will be a great addition to your Spielberg collection!
      Almost called this Post: “Better Late Than Never” but u don’t want me nicking your ideas now, do u? 😉
      Bless u

      • Thanks again
        Hard to believe that such a classic 80s movie has eluded me for so long (don’t think there are any others – must have seen them all now!), and thot this Post would b fun to do, seeing how my site is going more retro
        Noticed u’ve changed your Gravatar from Leia to Mary Sue – aha! methinks, my 2nd Comment of the day from a New Follower! No – yay! – it’s Ash!!
        Not changing my figurehead – this bunny is just too cute to be replaced 😉
        Cheers!

      • Ha ha, yep, it’s still me! I hadn’t changed my profile pic since I started WordPress back in 2011. With it just being a new year, I decided I was ready for a change! 🙂 Hopefully people won’t think that Box Office Buzz has disappeared, though. 😉

      • No! People won’t think that, Ash! They might wish that Brad would disappear, but they certainly won’t think that about boxofficebuzz 🙂
        The Force Will Be With You
        Always

      • Aww, thanks Ash!
        It’s going to take more than the First Order to kick me out of the blogosphere – still got too many Jedi mind-tricks to pull 😉
        Cheers!

    • Thanks Kim!
      I just knew this had to be one of your fav 80s movies! 😉
      Rewatched it only 3 times? Lucky you!
      I am thrilled that I finally got to see it; but still unable to find out why any of the main UK TV channels have never shown it – it’s a scandal! 🙂
      Bless u

      • Thank u v much for your 120th Comment to my site, Kim! 🙂
        The Goonies is far more entertaining and exciting than a lot of adventure movies repeated here over and over again.
        Found it on DVD in a charity shop last week – will be popping back on Monday to pick it up! 😉
        Bless u

      • Yes, seriously! Thank u so much, Kim! I treasure all of your wonderful Comments 🙂
        Speaking of treasure, I can’t wait to catch The Goonies again! 😉
        I meant to tell u: I was just about to sign on for Stranger Things a few months back, but my computer prevented me from loading Netflix cos the site was infected with a virus! 0_0
        U know how much I dig 80s-related stuff
        Really WANT to watch Stranger Things
        Really WANT to review it on my site
        Will try again to get on Netflix asap, and will certainly let u know when I have watched th show everybody’s been raving about!
        Cheers!

      • That’s so bizarre about the Netflix virus. I’ve never heard of that happening. My hubby and I watch it primarily on tv through our Roku stick, but I have the app on my tablet as well. I hope you can get it this time because there are so many great series and movies.

        I know you’re going to LOVE Stranger Things Brad! And good news: season 3 is dropping on July 4th! Another Netflix series I think you’d love is A Series of Unfortunate Events. I think you’d get a kick out of the humor.

      • Thanks Kim
        It’s because of all the 21st century’s tech mishaps and inconveniences that I keep slinging back to th 80s anyway!
        Yes, thank u, I know Things 3 is dropping v soon, that’s why I want to catch up w 1 & 2 pronto! 🙂
        And bless my Lemony Snicket! I was just thinking about that Unfortunate Events, er, series just the other day! 😉
        Bless u

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