Loving The Alien? This Time, No Means NO!
“…A story that is basically just a mixture of The Creature from the Black Lagoon and The Thing from Outer Space… [Ridley Scott’s] combination of space fiction and horror story is no great shakes as a work of art. Artifice, however, it has in profusion.” – Derek Malcolm.
“A transmission? Out here? …Human?”
Apologies if you swung by expecting a Review of Alien Covenant.
But really – it’s a swizz of the first water; a pointless celebration of the Alien franchise’s Greatest Hits. Wasting my time in a cinema for something like this can usually incite me to rant no end, but after a particularly trying fortnight – both physically and mentally – yours truly has been unable to write anything remotely readable.
Here, on a good day, you would be able to learn how completely unnecessary this rehash really is. How it adds nothing new; judging by the lacklustre trailer, the script sounds unremarkable, and – like Prometheus, which frustrated more than frightened audiences – attempts at character development are nil, considering how expendable WE KNOW this crew are…
And to think that after enjoying the first two Alien movies, this adventurer genuinely craved more sequels – ha!
How times – and attitudes – have changed. After two more dodgy sequels, the divisive Prometheus and now Alien Covenant, one of the most interesting movie franchises has become one of the most tedious…
“I did have one odd nightmare once. I dreamt I was visiting some friends in a Vermont farmhouse and the alien came out of the chimney. Suddenly I was dreaming about my own life. You would think it would only happen in space… but if you start to dream like this, it puts a whole different reality to it” – Sigourney Weaver.
There is another anguished reason why Alien Covenant proves to be so bothersome.
Where, oh where, is Sigourney Weaver?!
Just two years ago, it all seemed fine an’ dandy. The actress most synonymous with this franchise was itching to return and wrap up Ellen Ripley’s story one last time. It would have been the Alien 3 we deserved; Michael Biehn was also lined up to reprise the role of Corporal Hicks from Aliens. The director of Chappie and District 9 was set to helm (incidentally a move not welcomed in this camp).
But by the time the Covenant trailer appeared earlier this year, the head-scratching began. We saw what looked like an inferior rehash of the 1979 masterpiece, and Katherine Waterston “playing” the female protagonist.
Okay, Waterston, but no Weaver?!
Such an intriguing movie project – allowed to languish in development-hell – is officially cancelled in favour of… this?!
In online forums, no one can hear Brad scream…
Don’t care that Covenant garnered more at the box office in its first week than Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2, and retains a respectable score on Rotten Tomatoes, this is NOT the package that any of us expected.
Great Scott! What is Ridley doing?!
Cannot believe that he is responsible for such a run-o’-the-Hollywood-mill exercise…
“We had gone through various sketches… they seemed to be of scaly bodies… or huge blobs… There was no elegance to them, no lethalness. What emerged – Giger’s designs… definitely not of this world…” – Ridley Scott.
Alien Covenant is the first Alien film since the passing of H. R. Giger.
With each new underwhelming entry to this franchise, the extraordinary terror instilled by Giger’s original chilling, biomechanoid design is gradually diminished. Moreover, in attempting – and failing! – to adequately explain the backstory surrounding such notable features as the derelict spaceship and the Space Jockey of LV426, their mystique is irreparably eroded.
Just contemplating the faults and inanities of Alien Covenant – and what could have been – makes me feel more ill.
You wonder: why couldn’t they change the alien design, themes, names, et al – produce something completely different for a change?
Surely, such a fresh premise would be preferable than having yet another reboot/prequel foisted upon us? Ah! Sllly Brad; business is business, of course – jeez, how could we forget that?
Unfortunately – like other unwanted cultural dross floating around us @ the mo – we cannot exactly blow this thing out the goddamn air-lock.
So, Mother, what can we do?
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Does Alien Covenant at least offer anything as sublime as this on its Soundtrack?
“Final Report of the commercial starship Nostromo, Third Officer reporting.
“The other members of the crew – Kane, Lambert, Parker, Brett, Ash, and Captain Dallas – are dead.
“Cargo and ship destroyed.
“I should reach the frontier in about six weeks. With a little luck, the network will pick me up.
“This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off…”